Just Breathe

You bring me to my knees.

I'm left suffocating

As if the ocean and air have reversed.

If you'll just breathe

Breathe into me

Those becoming words,

We will find enlightenment.

I'll give you more

Than the materialistic world around you.

With a bold hand,

I'll write you a song,

With endless versus.

They'll tear us apart,

And bring us together again

In this shaken downward spiral.

There is nothing left

For either of us to lose.

Yet, when I asked you:

"What if I gave you everything?"

You replied so subtlety:

"That it is impossible."

I can give you everything,

If you only open your door.

I'll fill your house with nothing

We can touch,

But with emotions we can feel.

I'll give you everything.

It is not impossible,

When you only misunderstood me.

Just breathe into me

Those words larger than life.

They rise above all else.

We will rise above all else

If you just breathe.

Author's Note

Just give me your thoughts--good and bad. I like to know why you have these positive or negative thoughts. They help. Thank you for viewing!

Reviews

[Jack...]

All I can tell you is this poem had a profound affect on me. I felt a lump rising in my throat and an uneasiness in my stomach as i read it. I write mostly love poems, filled with emotion and affection alike. Some sad, some happy and some in-between, but this poem did something to me. I can not expalin the inner sadness it produced for me or the feelings I had for the one asking for her to breathe into him. This was really good

[Chidoriflower]

I love this! Every line of it! It's as if the words are life itself, breathing! It's so profound, how in only a few lines you convey this so strongly, but with a kind gentleness that seems impossible. Amazing.

[Rashmi Kulal]

Touching! Except for 'versus', pretty close to perfect for me! :)

[Purplerose]

I like this. Nice flow and expression of wanting a special relationship. Enjoyed! :)

[Sean]

Well done. I especially loved the ending.
Very evocative, especially when you come to understanding the context of the poem.
Not sure if I got it right... but the muse if dead yes? Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I was wondering if:

"I'll give you more
Than the materialistic world around you."

Might flow better without the 'materialistic'...

Like so:

"I'll give you more
Than the world around you."

Which would mean you'd give her everything, and more, when then flows better with your next stanza.

"With a bold hand,
I'll write you a song,
With endless versus."

Which I imagine to be the chapters in your lives, and the stories and possibilities that you can create, together if she were but alive.

"With endless versus."
I believe you meant 'verses'...

Good attempt!
Keep writing!!!

[Christoph Poe]

Thank you for reading this! And I do believe you are correct on both of those. This piece, really, I consider one of my worst ones. I'm surprised it gained this much attention. Lol. My poem "Hammer" is much better, in my opinion. Maybe not THE best, but better. You should check it out if you ever get the chance. :) I'll go ahead and make the corrections here. Thank you again!

--Chris

[steppenwolf]

Wow. This is great! I have to read it again to absorb more of it but the passion you express is incredible. I always like it when poems don't exactly rhyme but have a rhythm from repeating the same word or phrase, such as "just breathe." Quite, quite exciting.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

All the essential components required for a Grammy winning love Ballad.
Possible to frame it in triple time, as with duple and quadruple too...with some vowel elongation yes...
The eternal plea of a lover to his beloved and the attorney fighting his own case before the jury...
The last line threw me off!!
Is she dead?!
Well done man!

[Christoph Poe]

Thank you very much! >>you know how to boost someone's self-confidence for sure. Haha. I really appreciated hearing that. I'm not really used to getting a whole lot of feedback on my poetry. :/

Again, thank you!
--Christoph

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

yes sure

[Pain&Suffering]

I like it, although i'm not a poet myself I think it's quite nice.

[Christoph Poe]

Thank you kindly for your thoughts! I really appreciate it. :)