Tamed Distance

Tamed Distance

A Poem by Christoph Poe

If this

Could make any more sense,

I might comprehend it.

This distant yet close thought of a dreamless environment

That I could breathe life within.

Maybe if these jolts within my brain

--these tiny sparks of life beating within me--

Would just connect in a fluttering motion

Of pure beauty

--not just any beauty.

The type of astonishment that leaves a pulse lifelessness hanging on...incomplete and misunderstood....

I'm weeping on my feet,

Distracted by the very things I'm really chasing

In a God Damned world.

Ignorance poses a threat,

Cramped within a society that makes little sense.

Seeking intellect,

And threatening my own desires.

But if everything could just connect,

In a single strand,

A faint string of existence that faintly streams across a Universal Matrix.

Every tomorrow is a day I've never planned,

My arms reaching for an object untouchable,

Out of sight,

Smelling is dimmed,

Hearing is bland,

And all comprehension

Is but nothing.

© 2013 Christoph Poe


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Featured Review

To be quite honest, I think you could do better than this. Having read some of your other stuff, I was slightly disappointed. Not to say this poem doesn't have potential or is bad. It's not bad at all.
I love the idea of it, the connecting of the synapses making things more clear and the limitations posed by the outside world. There's just something missing in the execution, but that's why you put your things on here right? To get feedback on what's missing.
I think your lines need to either be long or short. The few really long lines threw me off. It would probably help to break it up in stanzas. I had trouble getting all the way through it the first time and had to go back and take it slow to get any meaning whatsoever. I think that's mostly formatting.
Also, I think this poem would be great with some meter, but that's just my personal opinion (I'm a meter junky and use meter like some people use drugs). It actually wouldn't be too awfully hard to turn it into something iambic. The first four lines are written in iambs at least. I stopped scansion after the seventh line because I didn't feel meter and figured it was meant as free verse. Sorry if that was just my bad ear.

I think more description in certain areas could help. The "object untouchable" is that the connection? Maybe "this" would be more clear than "an" if that's the case? Or is it something else entirely.
I like the juxtaposed lines "Of pure beauty/ -- not just any beauty". That's lovely, and so is your use of dashes.
I also like your ending. The senses fade out with the poem, and I think that's a nice effect.
I realize that this review is picky, and I hope you're not offended. I find you to be a very talented writer; therefore, I feel it is important that you get what you need to become even better. Really, a rough review from me is rather a compliment. If you were actually bad, I wouldn't write anything.

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Christoph Poe

7 Years Ago

If I had a folder to place reviews in, this would be in my "TOP TEN" folder. Great review, and I tha.. read more



Reviews

Nice

Posted 7 Years Ago


I haven't reviewed that much but I'd say this is a great piece over all. Good work and I'd like to read more of your poems.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Such an Amazing writer you are!

Posted 7 Years Ago


im disoriented by your artistry lol :-)

Posted 7 Years Ago


somehow your poems have a way of feeling so BIG! atmospheric i guess it is. I love this one.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Christoph Poe

7 Years Ago

Coming from an amazing poet, thank you greatly. :)

--Chris
To be quite honest, I think you could do better than this. Having read some of your other stuff, I was slightly disappointed. Not to say this poem doesn't have potential or is bad. It's not bad at all.
I love the idea of it, the connecting of the synapses making things more clear and the limitations posed by the outside world. There's just something missing in the execution, but that's why you put your things on here right? To get feedback on what's missing.
I think your lines need to either be long or short. The few really long lines threw me off. It would probably help to break it up in stanzas. I had trouble getting all the way through it the first time and had to go back and take it slow to get any meaning whatsoever. I think that's mostly formatting.
Also, I think this poem would be great with some meter, but that's just my personal opinion (I'm a meter junky and use meter like some people use drugs). It actually wouldn't be too awfully hard to turn it into something iambic. The first four lines are written in iambs at least. I stopped scansion after the seventh line because I didn't feel meter and figured it was meant as free verse. Sorry if that was just my bad ear.

I think more description in certain areas could help. The "object untouchable" is that the connection? Maybe "this" would be more clear than "an" if that's the case? Or is it something else entirely.
I like the juxtaposed lines "Of pure beauty/ -- not just any beauty". That's lovely, and so is your use of dashes.
I also like your ending. The senses fade out with the poem, and I think that's a nice effect.
I realize that this review is picky, and I hope you're not offended. I find you to be a very talented writer; therefore, I feel it is important that you get what you need to become even better. Really, a rough review from me is rather a compliment. If you were actually bad, I wouldn't write anything.

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Christoph Poe

7 Years Ago

If I had a folder to place reviews in, this would be in my "TOP TEN" folder. Great review, and I tha.. read more
Ignorance does pose a threat. Particularly when it's heavily armed. I liked this poem. The lines are like rounds coming at you. So I'm being shot at by words reading this. Good Job Young man.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Christoph Poe

7 Years Ago

Thank you for giving this a shot! :)

I see you've reviewed a few of my pieces, so send .. read more
Chris, this was thought provoking and posed questions that constantly flood my brain. I have often thought that many of us are connected by that single thread and in most cases we don't know until it slowly pulls us together. Great poem my friend.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Christoph Poe

7 Years Ago

Thanks, Jack! Send me a message to remind me to look at some of your pieces. :) I'll let you choose .. read more
Sounds very much like the plight of a writer...nicely done :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Christoph Poe

7 Years Ago

Thank you! :)
Woah, so abstract, meaningful and vibrant. A winning poem if there ever was one ^_^

Posted 7 Years Ago


Christoph Poe

7 Years Ago

Thank you for giving this a read. :) I greatly appreciate your thoughts!

--Chris

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Added on May 1, 2013
Last Updated on May 1, 2013
Tags: Tamed distance

Author

Christoph Poe
Christoph Poe

Tuscaloosa, AL



About
Laughing might be my weakness, but my humor is the only characteristic that drives my positivity in this damned world. I'm a bit blunt at times, but always respectful >>and to be blunt, I expect respe.. more..

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