Emotionally Devoid

I'm sailing on a shadow ship

Through the seven seas,

Anxiety, Desperation, Sadness and Unease,

Alarm, Embarrassment, Peaks of Joy.

Learning the water's moods and fits

To navigate the world.

I'm sailing on a shadow ship,

A time when sunlight's gone.

The rainbow never did exist,

and the skies are void of twinkle.

Port is a distant delusional memory,

Foggy as falling off the edge.

I'm sailing on a shadow ship,

The crew abandons hope.

But not the hope of transformation,

A sun-soaked miracle of light.

And then, the ship turns darker, no, not darkest yet,

When we learn the ship has moods of its own.

Reviews

[Tomás Ó C..]

Love the wist of the end of the poem!

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Thank you :)

[Arya Le Dasmones]

You've taught me a new word, too :)

[Tomás Ó Cárthaigh]

Its meant to be twist!!! lol... another of my famed typos!!!

Lifes too short to spellcheck... people get the message, and it causes a laugh... and to make another smile is prehaps the best thing in life to do!!!

[The Random Writings Of ..]

This piece has a great amount of emotion packed into the so little of a poem, and your first stanza really hits the reader with everything. I love the analogy's you use to compare the sailing, the sea and the emotions - it is very fitting to the theme you are creating for the reader. And it also creates an imagery that is both sad and dark. It makes you feel so alone, which I believe is the point in being out on a "shadowed ship" (love the use of this word)
"The rainbow never did exist,
and the skies are void of twinkle"
These two lines are so sad to me, like describing a life without any hope.
The only part of the piece I fell is unfinished is the last line -
"When we learn the ship has moods of its own"
I fell like there could be more there, like it ended abruptly.. But you may have wanted it to end this way, and it that case - that is OK :)
This is a sad haunting write. Very good, emotional!

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Thank you so much, your review means a lot to me :) I agree that the last line is not very conclusive, but I wanted to leave the poem open for the reader to reflect. Perhaps this could have been achieved in different ways?

[The Random Writings Of Me..Kates]

I am not sure, Leaving the last line as is, is a good way for the reader to be reflective, which it did for me. So if that is what you were trying to achieve you did do it. Every piece of writing is open to interpretation. And although this last line did end like it was unfinished, I think this is a good thing. As you said - open to reflect- ponder. Leave it as it is. I often find that I come back to my pieces from time to time. Look over what others have said and tweak them here and there. But always remember these are your works. When you are ready to change or perhaps "tweak" them you will, or you will leave them as they are. In any case, this is a great write :)

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Thanks again

[Arya Le Dasmones]

And once again, my dear computer has failed to upload the rest of the comment. I agree very much as to looking back on older poems. Not only does it grant a sort of self-justification as a writer, but you learn a lot and can gain inspiration. :) Your feedback is appreciated!

[The Random Writings Of Me..Kates]

Your welcome! And very true :)

[G!o]

Okay i have been going through your poems and i have to consider this as my best. I love the imagery and the repetition of the first line which actually creates such a strong to devour the reader in. Lovely piece.

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Thanks a million :)

[G!o]

pleasure is all mine and its generous of you to share your work...

[Eddie Gao]

Wow, Arya. This is some seriously good stuff. I didn't know you were this good a poet! A million emotions and thoughts morphed into three stanzas! I love it :)
Guess who!?

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Thanks Eddie :P Glad the poem made some sort of sense~

[Annie N.]

* Daniel

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Whatever you like :P

[SaRuGi]

who said you couldn't write poems!! you're a fantastic poet ;)

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Only as good as you ;)