Fallen Angel

this is a story about me and life!

I sit on the soft earth with broken wings.

I'm wondering how it all happened

What I did to come to this point

I remember soaring through the sky

Feeling free and loved. Everything was wonderful!

I was flying through clouds,

Gliding over the blue sea,

And on occasions, resting on

Soft, green grass in the country side

I was laughing, playing...happy

Then one day, I was flying, everything seemed normal

But the sky turned grey and darkness overcame me

Lightning flashed everywhere and thunder boomed in my ears

I tried not to get hit, but I got sloppy,

And a bolt hit my wing and I fell

The pain was excruciating and I was scared

I laid there for days wanting this wound to heal

Finally, a light came and eased my pain

This unknown being helped me

This Spiritual Angel saved me

So I was once more in the air and everything

Was back to normal

But the sky began to turn a dark grey

And the Darkness was back!

Bigger bolts of lightning flashed and

The Thunder nearly made my ears bleed

Flashes of light were everywhere,

To my left, right, then my left again

I tried to fly down but I was so confused

I couldn't tell where I was, everything was dark

Then a bolt struck my other wing, and a smaller one

Grazed my Heart

I fell and fell until I hit the Earth once more,

And I found myself in a dark forest

My wing was mutilated, I tried to fly, but

The pain was too much for me.

The biggest one came from my the wound

Over my Heart!

I searched for my Spiritual Angel, but I was too

Lost that I couldn't be found

So here I stay, hoping to be found,

...Just hoping

I'm an angel with Broken Wings

An Angel lost

An Angel Fallen

Author's Note

I would really appreciate it if you guys just reviewed the writing, i don't want to be rude but i just don't want to hear any sympathy or pity. Thanks

Reviews

[Natalie C]

No sympathy or pity it will be.

I personally thought this piece was brilliant, telling a story so many of us had experienced some time in our lives. One can't help but to wonder where do all those fallen angels go, you know those who can't find their ways home. Is there a special place for them here on earth? I would like to believe so.

Beautifully written, the words flowed perfectly stirring up just the right emotions within your readers as they too try to be strong for all the angels that lost their way!

[~*666 Draven Von Tepes ..]

Lovely piece baby u r so very skilled :D

[pal]

"So here I stay, hoping to be found,
...Just hoping
I'm an angel with Broken Wings
An Angel lost
An Angel Fallen"

heyy that's great poem.. ending lovely.
It's everyones' story, one time or other all come here.. once or many a time.

pal

[Gary H]

Thought this was really impressive. The only thing that may have improved this would be splitting into stanzas or maybe using full stops - just to allow the reader to take a breath. I know that breaks the impact a touch but also I think the reader would be able to take in what you are saying - thinking about the images you are creating.
As Nats says, this is a wonderful story - the best way of finding this out for yourself is to read the first and last line and see how well they fit together.

[Fantasyfairy]

It's like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. The ups and downs of life that we all face. Soemtimes we end up in a dark place and just have to wait for the light to reappear. This poem is a poem of life and everything that goes with it. Well written, lots of imagery and emotions making it a lovely poem. Xx

[Jofer Serapio]

To set the record straight, when readers read a good and brilliant tragic poem, they immediately feel sympathy and pity for the writer. That's the number one reaction we all get. But as a fellow writer of the genre, I feel sympathy for the piece and not to the person who wrote it. Emotions are needed to be conveyed for the writing to be deemed worthy of anything. Writers, as other people, may not feel the need for sympathy or pity but rather for understanding and enlightenment.

But enough of my caffeinated gibberish. On to the piece, the review to be more precise.

I found the theme, the plot, to be well conveyed in this piece. I love the way you narrated the story but I also felt like you over exposed some aspects of this writing. In my opinion. there were some choices of words here that didn't click to me or those that appeared like they didn't really suit the job they were suppose to do. They didn't exactly fail since the over all plot was conveyed well but I felt they could have been better.

But that's just my opinion.

"I searched for my Spiritual Angel, but I was too
Lost that I couldn't be found
So here I stay, hoping to be found..."

I love this line too. XD

Well done. Keep up the good work.

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Wow. This is an amazing poem and you did a fantastic job writing it. Nicely done!!!

Heather

[Autumn Dawn Gorny]

The sorrow in this poem, followed by brief happiness can be heard loud and clear in through the word. You can see ever moment like a movie. Well done

[Sean M. Addams]

nice flow and good detail in this piece....expressed well and lots put into this. nice job!

[forfila]

Nice work, flowed well and expressed your feelings very accurately, I like it Claudia =)