Pain and a Pen

Pain and a Pen

A Poem by William Liston
"

rhyming piece; similar to a kyrielle and ballade with internal rhyme

"
A poet heeds his aching needs;
if not, his heart would grow a hole.
His sorrow bleeds ... his spirit leads.
A poet's pen must bear his soul.

When pains emerge and lightnings surge
in violent storms he can't control,
there comes an urge to delve and purge.
A poet's pen must bear his soul.

He spills each word so cries unheard
can leak their blood upon a page.
His soul is stirred  a fiery bird
ascends its wings beyond pain's cage.
It's not mere ash from flaming rage,
but diamonds squeezed from blackest coal
that gleam their brilliance on a stage.
A poet's pen must bear his soul.

© 2017 William Liston


Author's Note

William Liston
Please leave an honest review. Constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged. I would like to know if the repetition of masculine pronouns (although this piece is meant for both male and female poets) was distracting. I would also like to know if the lack of internal rhyme in the last four lines off-set the flow and/or readability in any way.

Special thanks to mattavelli for helping me edit this piece.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Hello, William! :)
Eight syllable lines and a fun rhyme, I love it!
It looks like it was fun to write.
Your refrain hits like a hammer.
Suggestions:
In line two, replace "have" with something more pointed, like "grow".
While your thoughts are clear, your phrasing could use some tweaking where sections two and three meet.


Posted 3 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Hello Matt :)

I'd like to thank you for your constructive review. I really enjoyed re.. read more



Reviews

This line seemed a little forced to fit into internal rhyme, "His lines are seeds ... his spirit leads." It sticks out in the stanza because I felt like the rest of the poem had stanzas that really melded together. They formed a picture of sorts. "seeds" make me think of growth, plants, require of nourishment and I felt like the following line didn't really help it or meld with it. For example in the second stanza I got the a really dark, but Gothic like scene and the other stanza I got a fiery bird. Then there's the first stanza which introduces it... perhaps instead of the word "bear" use "nourish." I felt the same way about this line, "that through each word a cry unheard/can spill its blood upon a page." I felt "can spill its blood upon a page" irrelevant and making the stanza dissonant.

Otherwise, I do not mind the pronouns. I liked the rest of the flow. As I said I loved the pictures I got in my head and the image you used.

An ideal poet must proclaim his truth. I think that is the duty of every writer, to convey some essence of truth whether that is the need to get release from this world or really prove a point. Your poem makes me think of Schopenhauer and how he viewed art's role in society.

I thought you did a great job in describing the Ideal Poet.

Thanks for sharing! Have a great day!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you for your in-depth review, Jazz. I appreciate you being honest and sharing both what you li.. read more
Kianna Taylor

3 Years Ago

I like that a whole lot better. Blood makes me think of sacrifice and a poet does sacrifice his time.. read more
What i got from this poem is that a poet's pen must express what the poet feels in their soul and in their heart. I liked the way you eloquently worded and connected the thoughts in your poem. All in all good job :)

P.S (Sorry i am just now reading this. I've just been busy with school and work.)

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

There's no need to apologize. I loved your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Sira YR

3 Years Ago

I'm glad you posted this. This is one of my favorite poems :).
You have captured perfectly the feeling within us all, of what is left on the page being more than mere ink, it is a culmination of thoughts, feelings and emotions, battling within us for supremacy, leading to the pain and confusion we bleed into our words, knowing it must be so, while hoping that when the pen has completed it's task, maybe we will understand a little more of life, living and writing. Brilliant job here William.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you, Nemo. Your review is a poem in itself : )
I think the last four lines were a little off-setting but they still work and have a great impact on the poem. I would keep them. I also don't think using masculine pronouns was distracting either. I honestly didn't even think about it. But, who knows, some feminazi might show up and prove me wrong and get mad at me for not defending my gender. Blah. I though the poem was amazing and the rhyming is awesome.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

I'm glad you enjoyed. Thanks, too, for giving an opinion on the last four lines. I appreciate your f.. read more
"A poet's pen must bear his soul."
Truth in this line.. This is a superb piece describing what poets go through to unburden their minds.. I enjoyed reading this..Good work!


Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

I'm glad you enjoyed. Thank you so much.
Dr. YumnaKay

3 Years Ago

You are welcome 😊
Wow. This is absolutely amazing! I can't tell you how much I love the line "a poet's pen must bear his soul". I didn't pay much attention to the masculine pronouns until I re-read it. I would say it's fine. I can see that as the author, you've read it plenty of times, but I think that would be the only way they can become repetitive and seem distracting.
I love how you represented a poet's ambitious and passionate soul as a fiery bird. It becomes this clear image of a bird breaking free of it's cage inside of a poet, as their heart starts beating and they're suddenly open to an idea.
Great write William, most definitely one of my favorites.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

I'm glad you enjoyed the imagery. Thanks too for your input on my use of masculine pronouns. I appre.. read more
William,
I must be honest with you, I understand little of nothing of the technical laws that govern formal poetry. Those that do I respect and applaud.
For me you described the raw passion that drives the writer to bear his soul. I know I am rough around the edges and that gives my writing a loose street effect if you may.
You are talented and understand the mechanics of poetry. Your skills are on display in everything you write. But not all writing is for a grade. If your heart and soul touches another then the deed is done.
I love to read your work. You are alright in my book.
Blessings.
Richie b.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you liked the message ... it means a lot to me.
Simply superb..I love it so much I can't tell you my little brother....Loads of love your way for this beautiful writing.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much, Queen ... it truly means a lot to me.

6
next Next Page
last Last Page
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

1512 Views
58 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 8 Libraries
Added on December 12, 2016
Last Updated on June 10, 2017
Tags: poetry, writing, pain, soul

Author

William Liston
William Liston

About
Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code I'm an amateur poet who's been writing for about three and a half years. Some of my influences include Edgar Alla.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..