you again

I can't keep my ex out of my dreams.

Maybe I’ll never get over you
Just like I’ll never get over the death of my mother
The sorrow ripping through me
with literal heart disturbances

I was never possessive
I didn’t just want you to fly
I wanted you to soar
To acquire, fist holding tight, every dream you ever had

Even if that meant leaving me behind

This is the way I love
It doesn’t end when a relationship ends
I care across years, state boundary lines
and the stratosphere

My love is in orbit
It is around you, giving you breath
Lifting you
when you don’t know how you can pick yourself up again

It lives in our subconscious
Or, at least mine
Those dreams never cease
My mother and I hug and I am renewed

But you, you don’t check in on me
You betray me in life and REM
The promises you make unfulfilled
The statements you make not backed by action

It’s cyclical, the value you hold for me
I am priceless
yet you reduce me to pesos
Though I have never diminished your worth

On the contrary
When you call, I am ready
To hear anything and all
Even the unspoken

My love for you grows
like interest on money in the bank
Like a defensive stock, it never depreciates
There is stability in my love

But when I am in need
I am crippled, throat cut
Unable to speak
Because now I am an intrusion to your false joy

Traded down

My fragile body lifts my tired spirit
up
Without help, love, or support
And I continue to wander this earth solo

Hoping that someone, maybe you
will see my nimbus
and react
prior to my inevitable death


© 2020 Colette
what a fucked up year this has been

Author's Note

Is there anyone you can't keep stop thinking about, by day or dreams?