The Way the Wind Blows

The water splashes in my face as my whole body gets goose bumps to pay a sojourn, accompanied by the shivers. The wind dances my way, whooshing whispers into my face. It sways the boat back and forth; I must clench my hand to the wood to keep balance. It reminds me of when I tried to hold on to my lover. This went on for eternity when my brain has to wander off to the unresolved question, When will I see him again?  

Months had passed since Michael left me, and the moment still rung in my mind vividly. He had to leave for a mission trip to Dominica. “Daisy, we’ve been talking about this every time we see each other. You know I have to do this, and you told me you were okay with it,” he said. Didn’t he know me any better? It all grew too real as I felt like the bricks we built up, violently collapsing all at once. “You know it’s only going to be for a little while,” he said, “Trust me, the people of Dominica need us. There’s no way in hell I’d be leaving you if they didn’t.”

I didn’t think I would cry again, but these tears were different. They started from my eyes, made their way all the way from my cheek, to my chin, then splattered themselves on the ground. How could he not understand that I didn’t want him to leave? The fear inside me took my words and tried to roar them out at him. The words were imprisoned inside me by his stupid eyes fixed on mine lovingly. How could he do that, just to remind me of what I’d be missing? We grew silent and stared at the ground, only looking up at each other on occasion. His eyes stayed dry and I wondered what it would take for him to cry. Could he just pretend that the bond we had was nonexistent? Well I couldn’t. Looking at him with my last glance, I realized that no spoken goodbye would’ve made the moment any easier. I was devastated. After that my love for him remained inside me. But it was a vulnerable kind of love that could be broken quickly. Even so, I longed for his presence, because he could make me feel unlike anyone ever had before. He truly did love me. I believed my gut when it told me that it was wrong for us to be away from each other.

            My best friend Hawk is a sailor. I told him everything that had happened the day after. “I really thought you two were going to get married.” Hawk explained to me. I always was somewhat fond of him, I just never found out if the feelings were mutual. I had almost forgotten since I had suffocated myself in Michael’s arms for so long. I lied, “I mean we still love each other, it’s not over,” His lack of verbose expressions forced me to assume that he was okay with all of this. I felt like he was looking through me. He was facing me but I didn’t think he was actually listening. His eyes remained still as he searched for the words, “I know what we have to do, and I think both of you do too.” It took me awhile to figure it out, before I remembered he was a sailor. With the grin on my face and his eyes fixed on mine, we both agreed to sail away.

            That’s how we got here on this boat, and we’ve been sailing away our problems ever since. When you’re sailing for so long, everything seems quite dream like, and not profoundly real. Actually, I’m not absolutely confident that I’m not dreaming. A huge rush of water comes over us, and fights for a place on the boat. The drenching of my body is enough to wake me up from my reminiscing. “Daisy!” Hawk is running over to me, urgency in his face. He reaches to my space and I just get one glance of his stunning brown eyes before he wraps around me with an embrace. His hug is almost too warm to the touch, like he is expressing his care through the tightening of me in his arms. I begin to feel surreally secure and I don’t recall Michael ever making me feel that way.

I go into my room to think long and hard and come to my conclusion; I really don’t need Michael. Soon, Hawk enters and I stand raising my chin at his presence. I walk myself closer to him when our feet match up to his precariously. He grabs me once again, more aggressive than usual and an ugly unanticipated thought invades my brain. He crushes me in his grip and refuses to let go. I feel like my ribs are being condensed inside me, on the verge of their collapse. I try to yell, but it comes out in unfair whispers of a voice. I try to wiggle myself free back and forth but it only seems to get worse. I widen my mouth and the tears burst out of me. I can’t take it I can’t. I shake my head, Why would anyone do this! I hate this. I hate you. What are you doing to me! I whish I can spit my words out to his face. I want to crush his face with my fist, but I’m trapped. Finally my mouth loses control and my teeth clench themselves onto the shoulder before me. He releases stepping back in disbelief.

It is my chance and I run away faster than ever before. Faster than I did running into Michael’s arms. Faster than I did onto this boat. And faster than the wind could ever blow me. I find myself onto to the dock and quickly glance back to see him near me. I can’t go back. There’s nowhere to go. Then I redirect my attention to the water. I finally have a choice. I’m finally in control. I get one last scream as it empowers itself for me to fly. The breeze tries to freeze me on my way down and so does the water with my toes. My body feels like ice my legs submerging, then waist, onto my last gulp in the water. But I am not frozen; finally I am free.