Maybe

Just a short story I wrote in my Creative Writing class

I sit in my warm summer yard, caressing the long grass that arches it's blades into my hand the way a kitten would should it be lonely. I stare up into silver eyes, smiling to myself as they seem to wink down at this very spot. The branches of the old willow tree gently brush against my cheeks in a way that reminds me of a mother and a child. The air brings a scent that I don't recognize, yet it instills within me a sense of safety, the way an old familiar scent would. I sit in my warm summer yard, and slowly drift away from this world. Lost within the many ghostly eyes, I cannot help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, there's another. Another place, another feeling, another thought. Maybe there's another girl, staring back at me from the galaxy's end. And maybe she too is wishing on one of those silver eyes, to maybe find a friend.

Author's Note

Nothing really great...open to suggestions

Reviews

[DBURKE]

I have to agree this works better as a poem; however, this is an amazing write. Staring at silver eyes wondering if somewhere else, somebody else is starring at the same silver eyes and seeking someone like me_ That was awsome how you created that illusion especially the silver eyes (being the stars) Brilliant!

[Haifa]

I am not sure if you were the same writer, I mean I saw kind of same style and I said this couldnt be a story, it could be as a poem it has many things to say just as a poem, it fulls of feelings, wonders,..
Well, great job. Plus, how (nothing really great)??? IT IS GREAT

[FatalRewind]

"Nothing really great" I would have to disagree with your thought, I loved it. How the sentences are structured and just how you worded it was wunderbar!

[<3 Simply Rebekah <3]

I love this part
"Lost within the many ghostly eyes, I cannot help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, there's another. Another place, another feeling, another thought. Maybe there's another girl, staring back at me from the galaxy's end. And maybe she too is wishing on one of those silver eyes, to maybe find a friend."
its so beautiful and so real (at least to me)
I think it would be better as a poem tho,
unless you're planning on going anywhere with it...
but I kinda like it as is! :)