Sand

A girl, her home. Just a start.

The wind that skipped over the dirt and rocks was hot, like standing in the heat wave from a giant oven. Bits of stone bounced and whipped across her ankles. Her clothes pulled at her skin. Her hair slicked back and she squinted into the sun. The landscape was dominated by refraction from the extreme summer temperatures. Everywhere she looked the ground seemed to slither and bend. The dirt and rocks were being crafted into thin ribbons, constantly undulating in a mesmerizing dance. The fingers of Above delicately touching just the surface around her beloved home. When she couldn't stand it anymore she threw her arm up and blocked her eyes. She involuntarily licked her lips. One last look into the distance and she turned around and walked back inside, feet lightly crunching with each step. 

Inside, the soft lighting and the cool air washed over her. Sweet contrast to the barren desert outside. She walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. She picked out a cobalt blue glass bottle. After taking a glass from the cupboard, she uncorked the bottle and filled her cup halfway.The liquid was clear, scented like strawberry. She sipped it slowly, savoring each drink. No sense in rushing it. She wouldn't ever run out, but it was the small things that meant the most to her. Taking her glass and the bottle with her, she walked over to the windows facing east. 

The giant bay windows overlooked a wide plateau. Beyond that was a canyon that seemed impossible to cross. As far as the eye could see, the red sand ran on. It stretched for days with a swift and roaring river flowing through the center. It was a difficult enough journey to make it that far, let alone across the raging current of the river's vast life force.

Reviews

[M. L. F.]

You have something natural- A sense of depth in description and in the rhythym of your writing- which is hard to teach... I like your opener- openings are so important for drawing in your reader. I wonder if you would be open to a little suggestion? What if you condensed your first two sentences into one? Like- "Hot wind skipped over the dirt and rocks like heat from a giant oven".... Just an idea- You can tell me to take a leap if you like. BUT I don't see many writers with a natural sense of rhythm in fiction so I thought I might suggest- you should keep writing- You are onto something here... great atmosphere is being set and I love that..

[Kinsey]

Yes! Thank you. It's hard sometimes to find a balance between description and being concise. If it flows better then I'm all for it.