No Consequences

This story was actually my first work of fiction, and was written for my Brit Lit final.

No Consequences

Back on campus after the summer off. Josh and I are walking around trying to find all the hott new freshmen. “Bro, I don't feel so good, this ramen we ate for lunch isn't settling well,” said Josh with a groan.

“Yeah I hear ya there, if only we had more money man, then we would be able to eat whatever we wanted and get all the girls we want. No girls are going to hang out with losers like us.”

With a sigh Josh agreed with me and we began our depressed walk back to the dorm. It was just then that we spotted the booth. The booth was for that magical entity of the credit card. We had little knowledge of the operation of such things, but readily accepted anything to pull us from our present situation.

The representative was happy to pass us the paperwork and explained how we now could spend thousands of dollars. Josh and I were both wide eyed at the possibilities that opened up. So, we both got one and went back to our room to talk about what we could do with all of this money.

That Monday passed with both of us fantasizing and dreaming. Neither of us could believe that something this good could happen to us. Josh and I were nobodies, but now we could be a somebody.

Tuesday morning came, and as the first rays of light brushed my face, I ran to my wallet. “Still there,” I said to myself with a smile, unbelieving at the luck we happen to come across. Josh was up shortly after and it was a unanimous decision that we would have breakfast at the Expensive Lounge. It was the most prestigious restaurant in all of Fort Gullible. Only the fraternity guys and their gorgeous 'girlfriends' would ever be seen there.

The breakfast was one-hundred dollars a plate. Josh and I ate like kings, having the respectable quantity of three plates. “Brobama, I have never been so full in my life,” stated Josh with a contended sigh. I had to agree that our Tuesday morning was starting out much better than our previous morning had.

After paying for the bill with our plastic, we began to make our way from the restaurant. Not but a few steps outside the door did the most heavenly of aromas catch our fancy. “What is that sweet nectar?” I asked in all but a daze. “I don't know bro, but I want it!” responded josh excitedly, “but I am so full already.”

I had to agree again with his logic, we had just eaten three-hundred dollars worth of food each; however, that smell was so tantalizing. Both of us went to the side of the building and forced ourselves to throw up all of that wonderful food we had just consumed. “Round Two!” exclaimed Josh with a level of glee I had never noticed in him before.

The rest of that Tuesday was spent trying the various delicacies that we realized populated the community around us. Twas not so many hours that would pass before Josh and I headed back to our dorm and descended into the most well earned food coma.

Waking up that next morning was a struggle. It was as if I was shown what a better life could be, but could I continue living with so much happiness? This feeling of uncertainty would only continue as long as it would take me to open my laptop. For, I could buy anything I had ever wanted. This way, when I wake up from enjoying my items, they will still be there. The food is wonderful but I can only enjoy it for but a few moments. If I really want to fill these new shoes I am attempting to fill, I need to be smarter with my money.

In light of this early morning revelation I began to filter through online stores and buy to my hearts content. Josh would wake up just as I got us some new posters and glow in the dark stars. “Sweet stuff brosidon,” he said still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. As I was pulling up another store to browse through I explained what I was doing. It was this time that Josh had to agree with my logic because he began to comb the stores I hadn't yet had the chance to peruse.

After a few hours of ordering all that I had ever wanted, Josh let out a loud yell. “I shan't believe that I could possibly use my fingers to press any more buttons!” It twas true we had already bought everything we could ever want for ourselves, because we were looking into girls items for our imaginary girlfriends at that time. Our logic was that now that we have so much money, girls will come flocking to us.

“Bra it just hit me,” exclaimed josh still recovering from his endeavor.

“What?” I asked very curious.

“If we want to get girls, they will have to see us buy all these items. Buying these things is like cool for us man, but no one else sees it. Yeah, when they get delivered, everyone is going to be so jelly, but that won't be until next week I'd imagine. So, what? Are we supposed to just sit here? I don't think so man, I say we go out to old town and show all the girls just how much money we have!” With this Josh hopped up and awaited my response. He just happen to be tugging onto the same line of thought that I was entertaining. So, we got ready and headed out of the dorms towards downtown. We fully believed in this moment that our attempts would go much better than they had all but two days ago.

Not so far from the dorms did we begin to feel the ground shake. Nervousness set in as we thought an earthquake was about to occur. This feeling greatly subsided when we rounded the corner to walk up to old town and saw the Sig Tau's throwing a huge party. This party was the definition of a rager. It had tons of hott sorority girls, people on the roof, traffic cones being thrown, and who knows what this party has on the inside. Abandoning our original plans we attempt to gain entry into what seems as the most likely of places for us to met any girls on a Wednesday afternoon. We made it a few steps onto the lawn when we were swarmed by fraternity guys wondering what we were doing.

Getting kicked out of the coolest thing we had ever seen was so disheartening that we could also no longer precede to buy things in the old town area. Lamentation set in, because if only we had a house, then we could throw a rager of a party too. “And no stupid meat heads will throw us out because it's our house!” exclaimed Josh. In disappointment now, Josh and I start to go back to the dorms.

As soon as we got back to the dorms I got the most wonderful of ideas. “Josh, why don't we just look online to see what houses are available and get one?”

“What a great idea!”

So we begin to research houses. An hour or so into our search, we find what might be the perfect one. An appointment was made for the very next day to view the place. It was conveniently located just across the street from the freshman dorms. “I feel a lot better now man, but I am so hungry, do you want to go back to the Expensive Lounge?” asked Josh while he pat his belly.

“Naw, that place is a bore. Why don't we just order some pizza?”

“Yeah that sounds good, then we wont have to get up even!”

“Right? And I’ve been thinking man, we might need to start being smarter with our money. This wont last forever, so we should start buying smarter.”

“Like in bulk?”

“That's it! So when you order the pizza, order extra so we can eat it for the next few days.”

“That's genius!” exclaimed Josh as he rushed for his phone and ordered ten extra large pizzas.

We waited around until the pizza's came. Josh and I only had the energy to eat one of those giant slices before we again descended into the usual peaceful sleep that had become the norm for this week.

Thursday morning started much slower than any of our previous days this week. This was due to our moods being dropped just as soon as we woke up. Josh and I forgot to put the pizzas away and they have gone bad now. It took a couple of trips to walk them all the way outside to throw them away. Those boxes were of course too large for the trash chute we had on our floor.

We passed the day with various distractions until the time came for what we really wanted, the house. Josh and I make our way to the appointment a few minutes early for good measure. Love was found as soon as we stepped foot in that place. So, we signed paperwork right away and moved in. Getting out of our dorm contract was not that difficult. They just needed a massive sum of money, but that was no problem. Before we got this plastic gem, that massive sum of money might have deterred us, but now? There could be nothing stopping us from obtaining that house.

One might imagine that Josh and I did not posses that much between the two of us. So, the rest of Thursday was spent going to a furniture store to fill the new home. It was a little extra charge to have everything delivered that day, but money was nothing to us anymore.

Waking up on Friday morning was much like my previous Tuesday had been. I was at first confused at where I was but once the sleepiness had wore off I became immediately titillated at my surroundings. “The salesman was right, this mahogany does look much better than that oak would have,” I say to myself as I get out of bed. Josh was already on the couch as I made my way into the living room.

A traditional morning conversation ensued that quickly fell into talk of food. “We haven’t gotten any food here bro. Why don’t we go and grab something?”

“Do we have to walk?” asked josh as he buried himself further into the couch.

“If only we had a car, right?” I said with a chuckle, but as soon as I did, Josh shot right up.

“Yeah?!”

So, we got ready to go and find a new car. It was some distance away, but very much worth it. After obtaining that and groceries, we realized we did not even have to walk to campus anymore. This would save us a substantial amount of time waiting at that blasted light.

When we finally got home after joy riding the rest of Friday away. We sat on the couch and began discussing plans for the weekend. Since there was a house that Josh and I had, there was no question as to what we were doing that next night. With this agreed upon, sleep again came easier than it had in many years.

Saturday was mostly spent getting ready and hyping the party. It was quickly realized though that no one would come to our party. In lieu of this, we went to the alcohol store and proceeded to buy very much alcohol. Our advertisements for our social gathering then offered free beverages for our guests. This was a surefire way to bring everyone who was anyone. Josh knew where a printer was on campus, and took the car to go make fliers to post through the freshman dorms across the street.

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No movie could prepare us for the shenanigans that ensued Saturday night. Alcohol was not something that was held long in my repertoire and I was amazed at how little it took for me to go completely black.

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Waking the next morning was the most terrible and difficult of things. Most of our stuff was taken in the frenzy. As I walk about I find that there are holes in the walls, people still passed out in a random assortment through the abode. Walking into the kitchen I found a traffic cone and it has someone duct taped to it. There were at least fifteen missed calls from the landlord but I had no intention of answering or calling back. “Sleep will fix this situation,” I stated to myself in agreement. So, I slept through Sunday as I cured the fissures in my brain.

Waking Monday morning I was so delighted. Much of the damage was still present but the people had all cleared out. There was no sign of Josh;however, the car was gone. In hope that our car was not taken, I searched around for my new phone. Giving Josh a call, he answered rather excitedly.

“BRO! BRO! EVERYONE LOVES US!”

“Wha- What? Slow down man I can't hear you.”

“Everyone loves us bro, remember those meat head guys who kicked us out the other day?”

“Yeah, but wha-”

“They were there Saturday night, our party shut theirs down! We are legends on campus bro!”

“That's so cool!”

“Yeah, can you meet me at the food court on campus though? I am having an issue...” In a hushed tone, Josh whispered, “My card isn't working.”

I told him I would be there right away and got ready as quickly as I could. Upon arriving, we found my card was experiencing the same issue. We made our way from the food court in shame, but noticed another booth. Excitedly we ran over and signed the paperwork for another plastic diamond.

And they lived happily ever after

The End