A Lucky Stone

A small child meets an old man that gives her a gift. Please Comment! =)

I watched as an old man hobbled down the long dirt road. He was ancient, crags lined his face so deeply that you could barely see his eyes. On his thin shoulders he carried a large pack and in his hand he carried a long wooden staff that was twice his height, his clothes were like ragged blankets thrown on his thin stooped form. As he walked past me his head turned.

"Where is your home child?" A deep strong voice came from the old man's lips.

"I have no home Grandfather." I replied, thinking it strange that he would talk to a small beggar like me.

His eyebrows rose and showed white, colorless eyes with only the pupil. He stared at me for a long time, or it might been only a second, his eyes were timeless.

Slowly his other hand, the one not holding a staff, reached up into his bag and he pulled out a large blue stone.

He placed the stone in my hand. "This is a luck stone, take it and keep it on your person and you shall forever have good luck."

I looked down at the stone and its insides seemed to shift while I watched. I looked up to thank the old man but he was gone, disappeared just like that. I would have looked harder but just then a carriage clattered down the road. It was a large and ornately carved one pulled by two white horses.

And as it went past me it stopped and the carriage door opened. A woman wearing a beautiful blood red and white lace gown stepped out. She knelt down beside me in the dirt.

"Where is your family little one?" The women asked.

"I do not have one Great Lady." I replied

Her face twisted in pity, making her look even more pretty, she turned back towards the carriage where I saw a small boy and a man looking out curiously, both of them gorgeously clad in silks and velvet.   

"May we take her dear? She seems so sad." The women looked at the man.

The man looked at me silently for a second then nodded his head.

Author's Note

Please Comment! =)

Reviews

[MichaelCastleton]

This is a cute piece. What it is missing is a struggle, character development, and things of that nature. But you probably realized that yourself already.

Some more specific criticism:

Instead of "in his other hand, the one not holding the staff" I would say earlier that his right hand held the staff, and here i would write "Slowly his left hand reached up" etc. I would also change "May we take her" to "May we take her in."

I would also add another sentence or two at the end, to connect the luck stone to the rich family. Perhaps: [The man looked at me...then nodded his head.] I have a home, at last! It was truly luck who brought that old, ancient man to me today. His lucky gift is working already. I stepped up into the carriage, to begin a new life. I could only wonder what else the luck stone had in store for me.

You get the idea. Good luck!

[Jamal]

nice story sounds more like a fable though..........is there more to it?

[_]

Beautiful story of luck! I love magic and luck, a beautiful story. :)