Prologue

A Chapter by Ember Smyth

"No one. There is no one. I am completely and utterly alone," Mira said, even though she was the only one there. She sat on her bed, unsure of what to do next. There was no one there. Or anywhere for that matter, as far as Mira knew. It was quite gradual, really.
It started with little... Glitches, one might say. Her mother would walk into her room to wake her up, and then she would disappear. Then she would repeat.
One day her cat disappeared. When she asked her mother- or anyone at all, really- they was sure that she had never had a cat.
Then she woke up in an orphanage. According to everyone, her mother died when she was three. Mira woke up the next day to be back in her bed, with her cat. She was happy it was all a dream until her mother walked in. It wasn't her mother. It was a woman with long black hair and deep brown eyes. She ran into the living room to find her deceased father reading a newspaper. It was so wrong, too wrong, all wrong!
Mira remained in that... State, for about a year, with small glitches. None of them were really... Themselves. Her best friend, Mac, had left her for some boy. The real Mac would never do that. Especially when that boy happened to be Mira's boyfriend, Nate. Together they turned the whole school against her, calling her "Mad Mira". Bullies used to call Mac "Mad Mac", but Mira always stood by her.
Also, her parents seemed... Artificial. Everything about them was wrong. First off, her mother wasn't her mother, and her father was dead. So how was he sitting right next to her? This wasn't her mother, father, or friend. Not to mention her gentle cat, who now attacked Mira at first sight. He even swam across their pool to get to her. But at least it was stable.
Until it wasn't. Everything changed in that brunch with her "family". Her mother and father disappeared before her eyes, her father in the middle of a sentence. She sat there for a moment, shocked, before she realized the birds had stopped singing, the insects stopped chirping, the rain stopped howling. Mira walked outside, unsure of what she would see.
The trees, grass, everything- all of it was dying, wilting rapidly. And the sun was setting. Quickly. Mira went inside to grab a flash light. She sat on her bed and came to realization.
"No one. There is no one. I am comepletely and utterly alone," And she was tired of it. So she crawled up under the covers and waited for death to come.

next chapter

© 2016 Ember Smyth

Author's Note

Haven't checked this for errors yet.

My Review

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Cati Kirby

It seems like a good storyline. I know you haven't checked for errors, but the writing seems repetitive. Here, let me give you some examples:
"It started with little...Glitches."
"Mira remained in that... State..."
"Also, her parents seemed... Artificial."
"None of them were really... Themselves."
There is far too many ellipsis'. They can be easily replaced with commas. On any programs you run this through it won't catch repetitions like this, so just trying to be helpful!

The story is good, though it would be better if in later chapters you perhaps built on these characters more, who these characters are and what they are. Why none of those (who stayed the same) are 'themselves' anymore- what makes them different from themselves? What sets off alarms in Mira's head?

The pacing is a bit off and I do think that this whole chapter is a bit of what I refer to is an 'infodump', where you basically just throw information at the readers without any reason or logic.

I would suggest that in later editing phases you start on the first glitch or something significant rather than where she is now, already broken up. This would be a fantastic breaking point to be at, but instead, it is at the beginning of the book. Multitudes of possibilities could lie in this story, and that doesn't mean you have to go through every glitch one by one, you could just go through the most significant up to the point where she is broken and feeling alone as she is now.

I do know this is just a prologue, but I can see a lot of potential from this story. The concept is fairly original to its credit. I look forward to reading and reviewing the next chapters as they come out!

~Cati Kirby