Downward Spiral into Oblivion

 

 

What is this turmoil I feel? It’s like I am torn in two by my feelings, the same feelings that betray me and betray my heart. I fall for the one I can never have and that have what I am looking for. Why is it that the very thing I need is always taken from me? I am spinning down this spiral staircase with no end in sight. It’s like for ever step up I get knocked three steps back. I see the answers but no one listens. What have I become that I have vanished from this existence as lifeless as the sand beneath my feet. So obvious that is there, but never looked at for what it can do.

 

I am but a simple man with simple dreams. I build my life on ordinary things.

I need not the riches of this world, only the true love of an ordinary girl.

I have become what I am not through choice but through God’s plan.

 

I can not change for this is beyond my scope, for I have become a man who is losing hope.

This bitter loneliness drives a man insane, for the companionship that he needs is like crops that need the rain.

The fire of his spirit slowly dies and fades away, for the love of a woman is the fuel that lights his way.

That burning torch of passion and true love, guides his heart like Noah’s needed the dove.

What is to become of a man without love and hope fleeting, he fades into the night as his heart continues bleeding.

 

For down this spiral he travels till he can no longer carry on, his spirit fades way into the oblivion.

 

It is strange for a man to know what it feels like to be like God. Though without the power and majesty that the Almighty posses, I have come to know what His heart feels in what human capacity for such a thing is possible. To know the answers, but no one listens; to be able to fix the wrongs, but no one wants to be right; to know the hearts of people who don’t even know themselves, yet the shun you away when they ask for your advice about themselves; to feel passionate about loving someone unconditionally, yet never receiving that love in return; to know their future, yet unable to protect them from it.

 

Why have I been given this burden? To know all these things, but live in obscurity. I can not fathom the pain and anguish that the Lord felt as He walked the earth and witnessed these things, yet even in His greatness He too was powerless to intervene. The burden of the world that would reject the truth must have been a heavy yoke to bear. Why must I carry such a burden, for I am no where near the greatness of our Lord, and I am far weaker then He, so why has He allowed these truths to be seen with my own eyes. To see beyond the realm of man and see glimpses of the spirit world, I know not what to make of it. To know of these things yet still unable to speak of them makes me wonder why this knowledge is given to me. I do not what to do with it for no one can fathom that which is beyond human grasp.

 

Why have I become like Solomon? For what is man to gain from knowledge, only to be torn apart by the truth of things he can not change. For the price of wisdom and understanding is sorrow and heartache. My heart aches for those I can not help. It is burdened by the love it carries that will never be returned.

Reviews

[SoulofManyFaces]

I love this! This is your best piece yet. WOW! Such depth, and
vulnerability to write all this, and yet still not understand your
own strength, and yes, you do have that. It is within you.
You cannot change things because in my opinion life is fated,
things go the way they were meant to, and by destiny.

You know things to help, and if people want to shun you, judge
you, or even think you're crazy, they will, and there is nothing
you can do about it. Some rare few may listen, and that is the
gift you give. I am open minded so I believe in the abilities of
people that most wouldn't understand. This is a sad story though,
and I felt the words. You want someone to love, to love you
back, then you feel the burden of your all seeing. This is
complex, and a great read. You ache for two loves: the love you
want to have, the love of helping others.