A Lovely fate

2nd creative poem i know its horrible

As the  fine silk of love is set aflame,

Joy and laughter is turned to shame

and all we feel is anguish and pain.

One day they're with you your heart in they're hand

the next day they're gone and you can't understand.

Love is a river strong and demanding

It rarely leaves anyone standing.

Uplifted by love or buried by hate 

one day you will learn your fate.

With no control and no escape

all you can do is dream and wait.

Author's Note

It's horrible i know, Wanna tell me how to make it better :D?

Reviews

[Leon R]

I still cannot believe you are so young and write such good things. One thing that...it's very minor but imo it may make it a bit better construction wise:
One day they're with you your heart in they're hand
the next day they're gone and you can't understand.

Make it as 4 lines:
One day they're with you
your heart in they're hand

and so on you get the idea.
It just makes it sound better or at least in my head.

[Leumas Relwood]

Deep. I usually write poems about fun and whimsical stuff, but true-to-life emotional stuff like this is way more difficult. It is about the emotion and feeling behind the words that matters, and the words are just a medium through which you express thoughts that weigh heavily on your heart. Don't assume everything you do is horrible and not worth anything: anything you do is art and needs to be respected as a piece of work (which it very much is). Yes, I understand that you will not write dozens of expert-level poems with a load of techniques or whatnot in high-school (probably not, at least), but you have to have pride in what you do, for it is what you believe, and your beliefs about love and life are not horrible, are they? Grow a Spine, my man. *wink*