Pain of an Ignorant World

How I felt when I 'came out' with my girlfriend.

The Pain of an Ignorant World
It isn't what they think,
it isn't what they say,
there is more than black and white,
there's a million shades of gray.
And though the fire's burning red
and their looks scorch our skin,
it doesn't matter what they've said,
we're still the same within.

All the pain that goes and comes
kills inside yet makes us stronger,
ignore the world and soon it numbs,
the silence lasting ever longer.
Empty promises fill the black,
and laughter hides the pain.
Turn around and then turn back,
tears lost in the bloody rain.

Take the dagger and hold the knife,
slice deep in pale moonlit flesh.
I'm not afraid to take my life,
I only live for death.

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

I think that a bit of punctuation might help the flow of this poem...or maybe segmentation into stanzas, as the lines all running into each other detracts from your message and makes this seem a bit cliched.
Your capitalisation is a bit inconsistent; at the start, all lines are capitalised, then (seemingly) random lines are throughout - they don't seem to indicate the beginning of new sentences or new tracks of thought, so i'm not sure what the significance is.

"and though the fire's burning red
and their looks scorch our skin
it doesn't matter what they've said
We're still the same within" - very admirable sentiment, and well-expressed.

"ignore the world and soon it numbs" - strong line.

This is a decent write; you've taken what you felt and turned it into poetry.
With a bit of tidying, you could help it leave more of an impression on the reader.

Thanks for posting this.

[Harish Jackson]

Holy POOP! That's awesome! Short but one of the most incredibly vivid pieces I've read. Your rhythm is superb, as is the rhyme scheme (they complement each other).
More than that I really can't think to say. Keep writing! Whatever you might think, you have great potential and will only go up.

[James K. Blaylock]

this was great. keep up the great writes.

[Dawn Jones]

BEAUTIFUL!
I love it... the rhyming is perfect... this is an awesome poem.

[Randall]

You put a lot of raw emotion in to this and it translates to the reader. I liked it.

[Matt Shutler]

This was extremely powerful.
Such a great work, you can feel the emotion and the paina and the fear.
Great job!

[Wsn Radio On Writerscaf..]

Thank you for submitting this piece. Good luck.

[Christopher Michael Smi..]

glorious.