Have you...?

Must i describe?

Have you ever had your heart broken,

torn to pieces

scattered in the wind,

like a piece of trash?

 

Have you ever felt the burn

of being lost,

like a white hot iron

in your chest?

 

Have you ever wanted to cry,

to cry your heart out,

because

life just wasn't quite right?

 

Have you ever whimpered

because you were

left alone,

neglected?

 

Have you ever been an army of one

on a impossible mission for the ones you loved

into the heart of the enemy

knowing you were going to die for the ones that didn't care?

 

Have you ever fallen

on your face

because you took a risk,

the wrong risk?

 

Have you ever snuffed out a candle

to sit in the dark,

just to sit there in the dark,

just to think

of everything thats gone wrong?

 

To sit in the dark

tears trickling down your cheeks,

the salt tasting evil

on your parched lips.

 

To huddle,

to hold yourself,

trying not to self pity;

But that battle is lost too.

 

Have you ever had a sad song drift through your heart

to fill you up,

to get you back on your feet;

Only to be knocked down again?

 

Have you ever

wanted to end it all

with a bullet

in your heart.

so everyone

would know

how you

really felt?

 

Have you ever been there,

with your finger on the trigger,

trying to figure

how long the pain will last?

 

Were you smart enough

to turn back

and drop the gun?

 

I still stand here

gun to my heart

 

wondering

 

 

 

how long

 

 

 

the pain

 

 

 

will

 

 

 

 

 

last

 

Reviews

[Wolfwind Words]

Contemplative...hmmm..dark i think..or perhaps just a shadow under a lone oak tree...or thoughts of a coffin buried in the sands of ancient Egypt.

I liked this piece, for it's overpowering relatibility! It's got something for everyone in it. A lot like those prize bags teachers would have for kids, where you had to reach in without looking.

I loved the color choices..they brought out the images in hightened mental resolution. This would be a wonderful monologue for a stage. I could see a young child performing it in a spotlight, yet it would not be a gun, rather the motif of one, in actuality a bananna. In the end the child takes a bite and walks off stage.

I liked it. It made me think and ponder... ;)

Eternally,
Infinity's Shadow

[Life Inside Death]

I have.
And my sympathy to you for having to also.
A great piece of writing here.

[Vincent Weathers]

Pain is evident in this piece--like written all over the page. (inside joke)
"scattered in the wind, like a piece of trash" --I know the imagery, yet I am not entirely sure on how clear by using that image. If I didn't quite understand it, I'd probably be able to prove or dislodge my question. I do understand, "obliderate" "dust in the wind". The image that went in my head related more to the shelling of rice than blowing trash. *that was my image*..
One suggestion in regards to the whole piece is not to capitalize every line. I think the capitalization makes the piece less understandable.
==
Have you ever had your heart broken,
torn to pieces,
and scattered in the wind,
like a piece of trash?
---This makes good use of parallelism.
==
Overall, I do find this piece to be interesting. The imagery, the white hot iron one, that one interested me.. for one reason, that it suprised me a little bit. I feel uncomfortable with this piece. Maybe its because of the content and the visuals that it describes, but I also think that it could be because of your uncertainty with this piece. You might be asking yourself "am I done yet?" Or maybe, its because I think it is slightly overwritten--that maybe it can be tweaked for some greater effect. I can't judge on that, but I am feeling that I read this sort of piece has been done many times before. I am not sure, but this poem doesn't quite make the topic "misery from a broken heart" fresh. These were my thoughts.