Love

I know it's cliché but..

Young love, a flame that burns so bright
In hearts of innocence, pure and true
A love that shines, a guiding light
In a world of chaos, it sees us through

With every glance, a fire ignites
A spark that grows with every touch
In each other's lives, our hearts take flight
As we discover love's magic and lust

Time stands still in our own little world
No worries, no fears, just you and I
In this whirlwind of emotions, we're twirled
Lost in each other, we reach for the sky

But as the seasons change, so do we
Our love matures, yet stays forever young
For in each other's arms, we'll always be
Two souls intertwined, with love's song sung

Oh, young love, a treasure to behold
A journey we'll cherish, as we grow old.

Author's Note

Feels like February is getting to me ;P (Sonnets are HARD)

Reviews

[JayG]

For your age, this a surprise, and better written that most of what I see here. For that, kudos. And, unlike so many hopeful writers you're not bending the line to the needs of the rhyme, and ending up with what reads like Yoda-speak.

What needs work is prosody. For example line 1 in S1 and 2 is Iambic and has 4 feet. But S3 switches to trochaic and 5 feet, while S5 is back to iambic with 5 feet.

So, some suggestions.

Head over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less traveled. What he has to say about the flow of language is brilliant, and something I recommend that all writer read.

As book to expand your knowledge of the skills of writing metric verse, I suggest you did up Mary Oliver's Rules for the Dance. The lady is a brilliant poet, and, has a way of explaining the art of writing poetry that makes it a pleasure to read.

For non-metric poetry I recommend her, A Poetry Handbook. You can download a reaqdable copy (though not on a phone) here: https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

Give it a try. I think you'll find it a fun read.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

[DecentlyOkayWriter]

Thank you! I'll be sure to check out the ones I haven't already stumbled upon. I hope you have a nice rest of your life, and thanks again for the critiques.

[Charlie]

This is sooo sweet, love it

[Richard🖌]

Greetings, Dow 🍃

It's a joy to find this little treasure poem, an Unmetered Rhyming Quatrain Suite, with a Couplet envoi about Love, in abab rhyme that flows so smooth and neat.
There so many poems written about love it would be impossible to count them all, but this one is quite special in imagery, emotion, and metaphoric punch throughout.
In particular, "Oh, young love, a treasure to behold, A journey we'll cherish, as we grow old." stands out; though, every verse shines with its own light.

Thank you for sharing this lovely piece from your gentle pen.
A peace-filled Sunday evening to you! ⁓ Richard🖌