forever sung

apples, guinea pigs, and spiders
line the streets
and sing the song that makes
us feel beautiful

 

with form and flower, hair
shining, light blessed melody
that is rose and red--
crisp red, softly petals
fall like day
 
and the sun has touched the
sky
and the moon has been wrapped, bound,
gagged in the stench of
writhing bodies spilling
themselves into sex--

 

bodies only; warm, lush
dipped in sun
luminous-- shining
molten

 

f**k. and quivers, short
breath and down
into useless rags
while outside
nature sweeps by on the wind
and bee,
on the puff of clouds,
the sound of movement
and the way a branch
brushes against the
skin; coarse and
beautiful.

 

like a song felt in the marrow,
the bone, beneath skin
and over head. like
sun and a lovers warmth,
a gentle song--

 

forever sung.

 

Reviews

[G. Cedillo]

hmph - the dichotomy of images and senses is a bit mixed-bag. I'm not sure if bringing certain images together "apples and guinea pigs" does anything in particular without explanation -- same as describing the sun and moon in the same stanza, besides waxing philosophic/poetic about all nature and not the narrative "walk" you seem to be taking us along for.
The "Us" in the poem isn't clear, not that it has to be, but I think it would help sort the "coarse/beautiful" theme that is bunching up in places, making certain spots harder to adjust to where others are smoother, more palatable.
The ending is nice - a bit too "pause...pause...pause-wait for it-ending line" though.
keep writing, I'll keep reviewing when i can - its good to read your stuff again though,
g.

[fireblossom]

I feel a lack of depth in this poem though it is really well crafted. The melody of language displayed here is a gift. You were born with that and have developed it well. What can be added to your talent is emotional depth. I say "can be added" because talent sometimes poisons the heart so that its soil will not sustain growth. You turn a dazzling phrase and use startling language but where is the humanity? I am hungry and was not fed here.

[W.k.kortas]

You sum the whole thing up nicely in the next-to-last stanza--"coarse and beautiful." The piece intertwines the two notions quite nicely; I found some of the lining a bit odd, but that's minor and personal. A very nice piece of work.