Prologue

The old prologue has been tweaked and changed to chapter one. In its wake here's the new beginning of the story, taking place when the characters are children.

“Come on, David... Hurry up!” the excitement in Star’s voice peaked as she sat there, perched high up on a tree branch. David, not so passionate for adventure, paced slowly through the woods, reluctantly following her lead. The kids were surrounded by eerie trees and ominous quiet that left every snapping twig in their wake to be heard. The scene was purely chilling, and being left alone scared David half to death. Nonetheless, it was nothing for Star, who ventured on eagerly. Though they were only twelve, he was sure Star Grayson was the most eccentric, sporadic and adventurous person he knew.
“I... I think we should turn back now...” he called, searching his surroundings for the girl. “Star...Star, where are you?”
“Yo!” Star shouted, jumping down from the tree and landing before him. David screamed, jumping back in shock. “Calm down,” Star laughed. David placed his hand on his chest and felt his racing heartbeat. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
David rolled his eyes, trying to regain composure. “It’s getting late.” he said once he caught his breath, pointing upward to the approaching sunset.
“Chill out,” said Star, grabbing his hand. “Let’s just keep going for a little more. Please. Don’t be a baby, come on.”
“How did I let you talk me into this?” David muttered under his breath.
Star’s soft voice seemed to clear his mind. The day’s light danced in her deep hazel eyes, looking almost angelic. David sighed, straightening his blue hoodie. For the sake of his 12-year-old manhood he complied.
“Fine, just don’t get us lost.”
Star’s face warmed up with a smile as she turned and intently tugged at his wrist, carrying on through the spooky trail, further into the woods. For a second, David wondered if Star realized they were holding hands. Suddenly, the two simultaneously caught a glimpse of it. A large, tall tree, standing before them and easily surpassing all the others in creepiness with its wickedly sprouting leafless branches. On its bark was carved with a large knife ‘None Shall Pass’.
Star doubled back, caught off guard. The two met eyes and hesitated for a moment. “Someone just put that there to scare people.” Star reasoned. “Come on, let’s keep going.”
David anxiously followed behind her as Star readily pulled him along by the hand. A fowl chill ran through the dry air.

“Out of curiosity,” David began, nervously looking around. “Why do they call this place the Spirits’ Glade?”

“Haven’t heard?” Star said, slowing to a stop and turning back to him. She gave a sinister grin as she began.
“They say these woods are haunted. Legend has it that ghosts watch over the glade and if you go too far in they take you forever...”
The haunting story, coupled with Star’s insatiable thirst for thrills immediately gave David goosebumps. “Then what?” he couldn’t help but ask.
“They take you to hell or something,” Star replied nonchalantly. She looked back at the running water. “They say if you go deep enough you’ll find the souls of the lost.”
David’s hand tensed, tightening his grip on Star’s.
“You’re not scared, are you David?” she said with a threatening giggle.
“N...No.” he assured.
“Good. ’Cause I think we’re here.”
With her free hand, Star pointed over to a nearby hedge. It was a wild wall of bushes and vines, what lied behind it was a complete mystery.
“I’ve never been this far before.” Star admitted, slowly making her way over to it.
“Star, I really don’t think this is a good idea-”
“Would you stop worrying.” Star cut him off, pulling him toward her. “Don’t you wanna see what the hell everyone’s talking about?”
“Not really.” David replied. Star ignored him, kneeling down in front of the bushes. Finally letting go of his hand, she began to spread them apart to see through.
“Hold on I think I see somebody.” she announced, peering through and separating the shrub branches. She moved in until she could see all the way through, and backed up, jumping back immediately as soon as she caught a glimpse. Scuttling back a few inches across the grass, her sparkling hazel eyes now reflecting fear and worry.
“What?” David exclaimed, both frightened and curious. Star was speechless, simply pointing forward to what she saw. David knelt and looked through.
Behind the wall of hedge lay a massive cemetery. A graveyard of epic proportions, with aging granite at every turn in the form of tombstones, giant crosses, and haunting statues, one of a little boy being the ‘person’ Star saw. David gasped, backing jumping back the same as his heart completely stopped for a second. He turned to Star, meeting eyes with her in a look that seemed to get across every necessary emotion.
“We should turn back now...” Star said immediately. Without any hesitation, David helped her up. Being long-term best friends, the plan was mutually understood without words: Head home and mention this to no one.
“It is getting late, after all...”

Author's Note

Give me your honest opinion on what you think. What do you think of the characters/story so far? And it would be appreciated if you gave some of your expectations. Thanks in advance for your time.
-Demetri J

Reviews

[Zyle Christian William ..]

WOW! Nicely written! I love where this story is going! I especially like how you conjure a sense of familiarity in both characters immediately! that can be hard to do! good work!

[Zyle Christian William Cook]

If I had to make a critique, I would want to read about the chilling senastions and sense of forboding, what does the glade smell like? How much light gets through the trees? You tell us that the scene is chilling but we don't really register that unless you pull in each of our senses one by one by one and trap us with the characters!!!! Otherwise, very nice! I love where this is headed!

[Destiny Crawford]

I really, really like this! I have a good friend named David, so I can relate to this a little. Great write!! :)

~Destiny

[☯]

I really liked the way you wrote this, the descriptions and the characters. You completed a movie in my mind. I like the characters' personalities and the plot. A really good start to a story, great job! :)