Confusion Soothes the Body

I was in shock. I didn't want to believe what I just heard. I became absent. It was like my body was still there, but my mind was gone. And again everything passed in a blur. Somebody walked by and closed the door. I was left with the cup of water, the ticking of the clock, and the mirror. I sat quietly, waiting patiently, hoping someone would come in and explain things. But no one did. Time passed. It felt like hours. The door finally opened and on the other side of it stood my father. I was so glad to see him. I sat for a moment, tearing up again. Then I stood up and I ran to him. My daddy just held me so tight and kissed my forehead. I loved being in the warmth of my daddy's arms and never wanted to leave. But then my daddy brushed my hair and lifted my chin.
He said nothing. Instead he guided me through the door, out of the room, and out of the station.
We left the precinct without talking. So many eyes stared at us as we walked out. My dad walked me to the passenger side and opened the door for me. Our 2005 black Camaro was parked up front next to the handicap parking space. A few seconds later my dad was in the driver seat and the car was started. The drive home was about ten minutes. We drove in silence the whole way. Time passed so slowly. I stared out the window the whole drive, but the only thing I remember seeing was a car accident as we were stopped at a red light. Just south of 51st avenue. On one corner was a car dealership. There was two gas stations diagonal from each other. One was a Circle K and the other an A.M.P.M. The street was blocked off. Anyone going north or south on Camelback was rerouted. There was a bus stop on the corner where the accident occurred. It stood right in front of the church, my church. The bench was pushed back into the awning which was now bent. The blue of the contorted bench was chipped. There was something sparkling on the asphalt, glass perhaps. If another car was involved I'm not sure. There was only one car present as we drove by. A tow truck was already there taking it away. There was five police cars, two ambulances, and a fire truck. The fire truck was already leaving. They had yellow caution tape going from the lamp post on the southwest corner to the southeast corner as well as from the end of the car lot around the wreck to the fence surrounding the church. Lots of people stood around. There was a clump standing at the corner of Pierson and another at the edge of the parking lot of the church right behind the caution tape. I saw a few familiar faces in the crowds, but the light turned green and we proceeded home. We drove the rest of the way home without getting caught up at another light. We pulled into the driveway and when I got out I noticed for the first time that it was lightless. It must have been about seven-thirty. The street lamps were on as well as a few porch lights at neighboring houses. Ours wasn't on and maybe that was it. The it, being something different that I just couldn't wrap my mind around. When we pulled up and the car stopped my dad got out and came around and opened up the passenger door. He continued to the front door. By the time he got there and got it unlocked I was still at the car. I stepped out but hadn't move an inch beyond that. I just couldn't figure it out, the change. My mind had totally forgot about the words I heard at the station and was trying hard to block out the whole mess that was today. Was it really just the porch light I wondered then. I decided to forget about it. My dad was waiting with the door opened so I walked, foot in front of foot till I found myself inside the comfort of my home. My dad closed the door behind me and he fell onto the couch. I slipped past him and into my room. It was still early but I felt exhausted, emotionally exhausted that is. I was still so confused and filled with every emotion I knew. And I didn't want to think about any of it. But that's all that was running through my mind. I fell back on to my bed and closed my eyes so tight, trying to comb through today's events. It was so quiet in the house, quieter than the police station. Not even the ticking of the clock was there to divert my mind from it's thoughts. But every once in a while my stomach would rumble. I didn't remember eating anything today but I didn't feel like eating. My mind said it wasn't hungry. Instead there was other things it was focused on. And after trying to fight it, I gave up and let the thoughts in. I thought just maybe I would be able to piece things together. But instead I soon fell into hibernation still very confused.