My Sweet

How you hop about my sweet little blue jay.
When your sweetheart you've flown from is so very far away.
As you twitter about do you think of her?
When everywhere she turns images of you do stir.
As you do your jobs about your day,
Your little lady longs for the time she may see you, though she knows you may not stay.
Though she listens intently to all you say,she just smiles as her loyalty to you will never sway.
So my little blue jay do all you desire,
For she will see nothing dowse your fire.
And my little blue jay wherever you roam, know your little lady will forever be there,waiting for you to come home.

Alyssa Gandolfi

Reviews

[Brianna Brie]

The rhythm and rhyme is wonderful...smooth as butter. Though, it seems to me that it would be easier to read if the longer lines where broken up at the commas creating more lines. This would keep with the existing pattern of the rest of the poem. All around this is a splendid poem and well worth the read. Thanks for entering the Missing Him, Missing Her contest.

[Jean]

Very nice flow, but maybe change the structure a bit so it's easier to look at?
Simply cut it up a bit so it's not one big clump.

Like maybe change this:
Your little lady longs for the time she may see you, though she knows you may not stay.
Though she listens intently to all you say,she just smiles as her loyalty to you will never sway.

To this:
Your little lady longs for the time she may see you,
Though she knows you may not stay.
Though she listens intently to all you say,
She just smiles as her loyalty to you will never sway.

And this:
And my little blue jay wherever you roam, know your little lady will forever be there,waiting for you to come home.

To this:
And my little blue jay wherever you roam,
Know your little lady will forever be there,
Waiting for you to come home.

Of course, that's just a suggestion. Either way it doesn't change the flow or depth of the poem's emotion. Just makes it a bit easier to look at and makes someone more willing to read. :] Everything else is wonderful.

I love how you use birds in this rather than humans. It makes the love seem far more innocent and tranquil than a human relationship. :)
Amazing job.
Keep it up. :3

[Lydia Shutter]

Roamnce and nature woven so beautifully. A very sweet and gentle write. Lydia

[ah]

one misspell is in the 2nd to last line, wherever.....i really like this piece, ive never really looked at birds in this way before, it makes me curious to what the bluejay would say after u asked him these questions and stated these facts and it actually understood what u were saying, very interesting, thank you for posting

[Miss Mary Jane]

This is a very good piece, aside from a few spelling errors. I enjoyed reading it. ^_^