Please note: this is part 4 in the "Silent Nights, Whispers of Truth" series. Please do not read unless you have read the first three! Thanks you.
The Day ended much as it had begun. The soft orange light of the sunset slowly coming to it’s close poured endlessly across the white stretches of beach that stretched either side of Sattie and I. Small groups of people dotted the beach, most of which embraced each other and starred gooey eyed at the magnificent solar entity in front of them as it crept slowly beneath waving and quivering liquid horizon. The clouds pierced effortlessly by the timid and yet powerful beams of light that shot wildly across the fading sky in every direction, it highlighted the clouds perfectly, turning them radiant shades of orange, red, pink and colors difficult to explain. The ocean waves crashed against the sands of the beach, echoing their eternal song for all to hear as it has been sung since there was ocean to sing it, and quite beautifully so. The light wind blew from the ocean, throwing Sattie’s hair back and waving it effortlessly in the breeze.
She smiled.
We sat exhausted from our long walk, sitting on a blanket which we retrieved during a short return to her house after out walk, along with several other items. We sat, watching the scene of fantastically vivid color and light displayed before us. Her skin so soft under the palm of my hand... if I hadn’t meant that I loved her before (which I did) then I definitely meant it now.
The small battery powered portable player, plugged into her iPod, played softly behind us, Bruddah Iz’s ( Israel Kamakawiwo’ole) Medley of ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ and ‘What a Wonderful world’ was on of the best sounds in the world at this very moment. Soothing.
The sun was barley a thin strip of light orange that peaked timidly over the edge of the earth. It slowly sank. And with a wink, it was gone.
Sattie and I sat for several minutes longer
A perfect end to a perfect day. Fantastically cliche... I loved it. And I couldn’t help but feel... everything at once.
“Somewhere over the rainbow... Way up high... And the dreams that you dreamed of, Once in a lullaby ii ii iii... Somewhere over the rainbow, Blue birds fly. And the dreams that you dreamed of... Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh” the beautiful lyrics echoed over the stereo.
Sattie kissed me softly.
We lay back and watched the sky as it perpetually stayed in existence... yet eternally changed in appearance, growing ever darker.
“Where trouble melts like lemon drops, high above the chimney tops... that’s where... you’ll find me ‘eeee... Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow... blue birds fly. And the dream that you dare to... why, oh why... can’t I ‘ii‘iii...” the song continued.
We relaxed in each others arms as the sky grew darker and the air cooler. The people around us retreated from the beach slowly. Eventually leaving only her and I lying in embrace on the beach. My forehead sat against hers and I starred into her eyes.
She blinked.
“I love you.” she whispered in her most silent and timid voice she could manage.
I smiled and blinked, kissed her softly. “I know... I love you too.”
We shut our eyes and silently listened to the soft crashing of the shore break. We slowly drifted off into sleep, still holding each other.
For several hours we came in and out of sleep and wake.
Near 10:30 P.M. we had both awaken. I lay up against her back, the same as I had when I first awoke that morning and saw the sun shining on her face, only now it was the faint starlight that left us barley visible to each other. There was no moon that night.
She had turned the stereo off before we had curled up, she reached her arm up to her iPod and turned it on, scrolling through songs and stopped on 'Stir it Up' by Bob Marley.
She turned over and faced me. I could see her eyes glisten beautifully in the starlight.
She rolled over on top of me and sat there for a moment, Then leaned down and kissed me, her hands both softly sat on the sides of my face. The wind still blowing across us, I lifted the shirt from her body. She did the same.
The baseline to the song kicked in.
She sat over me, simply sitting and starring at me, her arms at her sides, for some time. She smiled and I rolled her onto her back. She began to remove my pants, struggling with her extreme lack of vision in the dark. I did the same. We trusted there was nobody on the beach, the only evidence of people was that of the cars that occasionally passed along the road that ran above the dunes behind us. I ran my hand up the side of her face and gently back through her hair.
The music continued, I patted the ground above my head until I found the iPod, I scrolled the wheel and turned up the volume.
Her face was barley visible in the low light, I could see the shine of a tear falling down her left cheek.
“Is something wrong, Sattie?” I asked in a worried tone.
She smiled and shook her head, laughing a little. “No,” she said still smiling, “nothing at
all.”
“Its been a long, long time, yeah! (stir it, stir it, stir it together) Since I got you on my mind. (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) oh-oh! Now you are here (stir it, stir it, stir it together), I said, Its so clear. Theres so much we could do, baby, (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Just me and you.”
She leaned down and kissed me again.
● ● ●
We had proceeded slower than usual, more gentle and loving than our usual vigorous method. The act to special to recount word for word... something only for her and I to exactly recall.
We sat, entwined in each other and wrapped in the blanket, barley feeling the effects of orgasm on the nervous system wearing off. Still panting heavily. She was perched on top of me, her head on my chest. The cold night breeze blowing over us. This moment was also perfect, as was the rest of the day.
What we had not counting on... was tourist season.
And even less than tourist season, a couple taking advantage of this relatively delightful night, by taking a nighttime walk along the beach. And more importantly, taking a nighttime walk along the breach and bringing their children. At least I still assume they were tourists... you can just tell. And being tourists... they were nosy. It wasn’t the music that drew them, we had now turned that off. They were just nosy.
This was California, particularly an area of California which, by a teenagers standards, had hardly anything to do. So of course, they should have counted on some nude teens wrapped up in each other on the beach at this hour. Or at least that’s how I’m going to justify the following events.
“Jesus Christ,” the woman exclaimed with a tinge of a tone that indicated she might have also rolled her eyes.
Sattie looked up sharply and clamored trying to roll off of me, in her haste, she forgot to let go, rolling me with her. I pulled myself out of her, and rolled off. I pawed for my jeans laying in the sand beside us.
“Uh... um... w... w... uh...” was all Sattie managed to say. She swept up the blanket to cover her exposed body.
The woman’s husband or boyfriend or fiancé or whatever the hell he was, was quickly sweeping the children back to their car or boat or space shuttle or gypsy van or whatever the hell it was.
“How old are you?” the woman said, still looking directly at us. It was uncomfortable.
“Fu... fi... si... sev...” Sattie said, beginning several numbers before stating a very distinct “uh.” She was struggling to pull her pants on underneath the blanket, I had already gotten mine on and was helping her with her bra.
“Sixteen.” was the first and most reasonable number that came to my mind (though it was a lie), but the woman didn’t buy it.
“Yeah, right. And even so that’s not old enough to be f*****g each others little brains out... and in public,” her tone reminded me of comedian Ron White’s joke about the police man arresting him for being drunk in ‘public’, “If I had a half a mind I’d call the f*****g police on you little b******s!”
I struggled not to laugh. I failed. I laughed. “Okay,” I said, still laughing, I put my hand up a little and looked down nodding my head, still laughing, “lets just slow down a bit.’
“Why don’t you two,” she said, gesturing with her finger between the both of us and raising her eyebrows, “Slow down a bit?”
I was slightly inclined to explain that in fact we had slowed down a bit from the faster pace of sex in which we usually engaged. But it was unnecessary, so I declined to my self and simply said, “Okay... no need to call the police. We’re sorry, we didn’t think that you would be ”
“No, you just ‘didn’t think’ anything.” she said in a very, for lack of better words, bitchy tone.
I tried to bite my tongue and ignore this comment. But being myself, I was unable to do this.
“Well,” I said, “Although I understand that you had your children with you and that finding us on the beach having,” she tried to interrupt but I raised my voice slightly and stifled her attempt, “sex... I have to point out that you may wish to cease being such a nosy a b***h and remove your exponentially browning nose from it’s current firmly lodged position in what was, to our knowledge, a private matter, seeing as that generally,” I paused, “people don’t go for late night walks on the beach at half past eleven with their children. Although it is in public.” I said, mimicking her tone.
“And I’m going to have to ask,” I continued, “that you apologize for your brilliantly rude interruption and complete lack of tact in this situation. And if you don’t,” I paused and shrugged, “I honestly don’t care, and have no immediate intention to start.”
“Uh... um... w... w... uh...” She tripped over her own tongue, virtually identically to the way Sattie had several moments earlier, she clearly expected someone who said “dude,” and “like,” quite often and not one who possessed any measure of a vocabulary. She was having difficulty responding.
“We’ll be on our way now.” I said sharply, taking sattie by the arm, as she was now dressed. I gathered up the blanket and grabbed the portable radio. We trudged down the beach.
● ● ●
Sattie and I laughed hysterically as we approached her house.
She threw her head back in laughter, “I had no idea you were so...” She made a circular movement with her hands.
I laughed. “Yeah...” I said, “ I guess so.” still laughing.
Her laughter died slowly, she sighed a little and smiled. “Okay, well,” she said looking down and still smiling, “my brother is supposed to come back from camping with his friend tonight and my parents come back in the morning... talk to you tomorrow?” She said, embracing me.
I leaned in and kissed her, she wrapped her arms round the back of my neck. “Okay, baby.” I smiled and back away a little. “Bye.” I handed her the blanket and portable radio.
She returned the smile and opened the front door to her house.
I exited the front gate of their house after walking through the garden path. I glanced back to see Sattie shutting the door to her home. I lingered momentarily but then continued.
● ● ●
I strode through the nighttime darkness with some haste. I had told my parents I might be out very late but I didn’t feel the need to push my luck. I reached towards my back pocket for my phone in order to check the time. After several grabs of the clearly empty pocket and just the right amount of required pats all over my body, I realized I had left it at Sattie’s house, not wanting to bring it to the beach. I stopped where I was in the middle of the roughly paved road that ran down the hill, between the other roads.
If a street and ally way had a child and then trees propagated the sides of it and pushed up countless numbers of raised cracking ridges in the road where roots pushed against the asphalt from beneath, you would have this road. The name of the street which wasn’t a real great street, was Short St., and ironically so... considering it was one of the more lengthily streets in the whole area, where it finally ended was a sudden stop that came to a ‘T’ with my street. In fact you are only aware that the street is coming to an end for the last block or so, due to the incline of the road and the overhanging trees that block much of the view. Now that I think about it I’m very surprised that somebody fairly unfamiliar to the area hasn’t come hurtling down the road and smashing into, through, out the other side, across the back yard of the nice old lady who lived there, through the fence of and into another yard and perhaps even into the other hous’s bathroom where if the circumstances were right, the residents might have been showering or perhaps something much more private and they would have learned the ultimate meaning of “Hey! Knock first!”
They hadn’t.
I turned around several time in my position, deciding whether or not I should leave it and go and retrieve it tomorrow... no... I had school the next day, and I was already halfway home. Of course my parents might be mad about the amount of time it took to get the phone because I should be sleeping since I had school the next day. But of course it was also a brand new phone. And Sattie might start messing with it, something I normally wouldn’t care about... but people have a tendency to fiddle with the touch screen and accidentally change a bunch of settings which I then have to fix. Apparently the concept of a button-less interface is one so tantalizing to the touch that no mortal can resist it. Also I wouldn’t risk anyone breaking it. It was an expensive phone but somehow we managed to manipulate the verizon person on the other line who happened to be some nice lady, and apparently the insurance on my last phone was enough to cover all 340 dollars of this one.
And so with an audible sigh and slight “ugghh” I set off back to Sattie’s house.
● ● ●
When I approached the door of her house, as I always did, I knocked several times and waited. Just as the last time, she did not answer... and I heard running water. This bothered me. It sounded more like the shower than the sink. And besides that, I could hear music. The strokes of piano keys rung through the door. I turned the knob and pushed it open, slightly aggravated that she was taking a shower in her house alone. Once I opened the door I knew the song as 'The River' by Atmosphere and the piano was the sad melody that accompanied the simple Hip Hop beat that Slug’s voice was singing over. This song was painfully sad.
“It was a purple, purple sky in an orange, orange room, and everyone was whistlin’ the same damn tune. Except Bryan, Bryan starred out across the field, and watched the horizon blossom the cop a feel. Over the edge of the world the one they're all afraid to walk, ration out for why their so high on the small talk. But Bryan knows where the crows all go, to find the ifs and the ands and the buts and alsos...”
I could hear loud gasping snivels and muffled cries coming from upstairs through the noise of the shower.
Alarmed, I raced up stairs.
Turning the corner the music grew louder.
I stopped.
I starred.
Inhaling heavily and gaping my mouth slightly I backed out the door to the room. And rubbed my forehead. Looking down I saw the slight outline of my shoe’s tread in blood that I must have stepped in. I kicked my shoes off in disgust and nudged them toward the stairs, watching them tumble down, I breathed in. Or I tried... it was hard to do such a thing at this time. I was still processing what I saw and not able to decide whether or not it was real. I thought about having to walk through the blood without shoes.
I cringed.
“if I could ask you one question id ask where you went. You could teach me a lesson every time I got bent. But the alcohol don’t make me forget about it all, doesn’t matter the season the leaves can still fall. They slipped hidden messages within the cards that were delt...
I understand myself and all the sorrow I felt, for as simple as I am how'd it get so complex got me studyin’ the margins and disregardin’ the text...”
I stepped several stairs down to where my shoes were. I picked them up and slid them onto my feet. Briskly I walked back up the stairs and began to slowly turn the corner.
I closed my eyes and stopped again. I was still processing. This was the sort of thing that didn’t seem real and that others wouldn’t believe if you told them.
Looking at my reflection in blood on the floor can be described as the most horrible moments of my life. More than the unfaithful women, the lies, the alcohol... the thick, dark red, slightly wavering pools... I could faintly make out the reflection of myself staring down at it. It occupied the whole center of the room, like a horrible liquid window into the depths of those dark little notches of your soul that you never venture.
There is good reason for this.
I hadn’t met Sattie’s brother more than once, and even that one time our exchange of words was not overly complex. I did not know the man. I was socially obliterated by the site before me... but on a personal level, having no relation to the man and barley knowing him, I was inept. In a way I was glad I didn’t know him. Perhaps this was the key detachment that made me linger that fraction of a second to look at the scene and my own reflection in Jason’s blood. And the vertical slashes up his wrist. Not long, but long enough to recall every vivid detail. But certainly not the will power to describe them.
Some time later I began to question some things. I had scene a deer be shot through the torso and fail to die. I’d scene it writhe in agony before having several rounds pumped into its face at point blank range. It was slightly disturbing of course. However I can’t help but wonder why seeing something such as a suicide of your own species can be so horrible, whilst seeing horrific suffering of another is only so bad during the time you see it, and after a while, it fades. Who knows. I never took the time to think about it past that point. And I probably never will.
The music was dying and the song was about to change.
The music must have been on shuffle because the next song was too horribly ironic and evilly sadistic in the situation that nobody could have done that on purpose.
Bob Marley’s 'Don’t Worry, Be Happy' blared through the speakers as I walked cautiously into the room, turning my head from Sattie’s brother and his slit wrists, the pools of blood that propagated much of the hard wood floor, and the razor that had fallen and sat on the floor next to his hand after his grip had loosened and he had faded away.
He must have turned on the music while...
I felt sick as I passed through the room towards the bathroom door and the noise of Sattie’s cries. I should have turned off the music as I passed by but it didn’t cross my mind. Water leaked from under the bathroom door.
I slowly pushed it open and saw sattie. Her clothes were covered in blood and left sitting on the floor. A rag had been pushed in the drain of the shower and she sat, crying, naked, curled up in the running shower. The water had built up in the shallow basin in the bottom of the shower and poured onto the floor, soaking her clothes and tinging the water a slight shade of red.
She did not bother to look up at me.
I briskly strode across the bathroom, causing ripples in the thin layer of tainted water on the floor. I stepped through the open shower door without even removing any clothes and carefully sat myself next to her, wrapping my arms around her and resting her head under my chin. She wrapped her arms around me and continued to cry.
I wanted to speak but I didn’t know what to say. I sighed as she continued to cry and I kissed the top of her head.
She grasped onto my soaking wet shirt and screamed loudly. It startled me greatly. I jumped a little and looked down at her.
“Sattie...” I said in a strained tone. I still didn’t no what to say.
She stuttered. “I... I... should have,” she paused and gasped a little, several more tears broke from her eyes and ran down her face, “I should have,” she let in a broken and shaking gasp of air, “I should have listened.” she said as pulled her face in and buried her face into my chest.
“W... what?” I said in confusion.
She continued to cry. “I... I heard him on the phone,” she gasped and sniffled again, a couple weeks ago... he... he said he was depressed and...” she shook her head and let out a broken cry, “I didn’t... I should have said something to... to mom and dad but.. But I...” she shook her head again and let out more painful cries, “I didn’t.” she spoke in a very hushed tone.
I closed my eyes and sighed. “Sattie,” I said, lifting her head up and forcing her to look at me. “Sattie it’s okay...” I trailed off, searching for the right words. “You’re gonna be okay.” I said it in what I hoped had been a reassuring tone.
She had an outburst of bawling. She screamed and let the tears stream down her face for several minutes. The water was growing cold but we continued to sit.
She continued to cry but I didn’t look at her.
I starred forward blankly. I didn’t hear her, I didn’t hear the patter of the freezing cold water as I didn’t feel the sting of the cold on my skin nor the weight of my water drenched clothes. Not the clutching of Sattie’s hands into my shirt, or her pounding on my chest and writhing on the floor.
I starred forward. The water from the shower had flooding slightly now all the way out of the bathroom, into the room where Jason lay. The water was meeting with the massive pool of blood and mixing with it, slowly. It was an eerie sight. The barrier of semi clear water pushing against the thick retaining walls of the blood, but slowly they were breaking ranks and mixing. There was an odd hidden metaphor in it... but I was unable to see what it was. So I starred. The dark tendrils of the blood reached ominously into the semi-clear water.
I felt like screaming. But I wouldn’t hear it, so what was the point.
Slowly I began to hear again. I’m entirely sure that I could hear the whole time, but maybe my mind just blocked it out. I don’t know. But I was now aware of the sound around me.
The shower water beat down loudly and harshly. Droplets bouncing violently off of Sattie and I and the floor.
Sattie screamed and writhed. She cried. Her loud calls pierced my ears and echoed in the tiled bathroom.
And I slowly heard the music again now. And the song had once again changed.
And my stomach felt like it had fallen out of me when I heard it. Or it had become heavier. My throat felt thick and swollen and my eyes felt as if welled with tears. My hands shook. I close my eyes a exhaled. I couldn’t hear myself through Sattie’s cries.
“And the dreams that you dreamed of... Once in a lullaby ii ii iii...Somewhere over the rainbow... Blue birds fly... And the dreams that you dreamed of, Dreams really do come true... ooh ooooh... oh some day I’ll wish upon a star, Wake up where the clouds are far behind... me ‘eeee ‘eheee...” the beautiful lyrics echoed over the stereo.
I could not breathe.
“Where trouble melts like lemon drops, high above the chimney tops... that’s where... you’ll find me ‘eeee... Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow... blue birds fly. And the dream that you dare to... why, oh why... can’t I ‘ii‘iii...” the song continued.
A not so perfect end to a perfect day.
To be continued...
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