Hits List Reprisal

An overhaul of the first thing I ever posted on writers cafe. I wrote it on the 14th (exactly 1 year to the day that i wrote and posted the first one) and got around to editing and posting it today.

The bruises on her legs tell the story of her day,

I try to make it better but I don’t know what to say,

so I sit around with these so-called-friends,

having fun with our flaws and pushing lungs to end,

I can hold a carb but I bet I couldn't hold this girl,

I'm a light hearted f**k but hers' as heavy as the world.

She makes me wanna die and wish I could fly,

but I can’t so I pretend just to walk through the sky,

and I never cease to be confused by the way she feels happy

even when her face wears a frown,

like the grooves in the ceiling that resemble the clouds.

She makes me lose balance and fall off the edge of my existence,

like a storm racing over my horizon without resistance,

or at least as much as you put up against all the guys that have used you,

s**t, they don't make em' like they used to.

So go ahead and get mad at the world and pissed at the lie,

Sometimes I hate it but others I can't wait to wear the suit and the tie,

I seem to always have these epiphanies when I'm way too damn high.

Damn, get me some paper and put up a sign,

“One time sale on some excess time”


But wait, wait, Dillon, stop the story,

Lord have mercy,

This tale is about to get murky.


I could put it to my arms and take off into the skies,

and when I pass by the birds I would look in their eyes,

a stream of confidence and electricity races through my veins

a nervous sweaty palmed neurological gesture,

a profound terminal intellectual wound specially made to rot and to fester.

Trying to turn the door knob with my imagination,

becoming my own jester I can't help but speak in fragmentation.

my mind is sharp on the tip but dull on the edge,

just the way I like so I can keep every promise but never make a pledge.

And so she kisses me just because,

looking past her face I see her life become real as if it never was.

The walls become taller and wider at their peak than at the base,

The lead paint on the ceiling drips down on my face.

I wonder what destinations I could reach inside these walls,

and if I went far enough away if I could escape from her helpless calls.

My pupils wide as the Universe’s benevolence,

just as my soul opens to my minds irreverence,

I firmly place my hands on the shoulders of fate and unfairness,

and I ready myself to fall subconsciously through my plain of self awareness...


“I'll always hide from the sun with you. Always."
 

Author's Note

Tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Legion]

I think it is a perfectly dark romantic gesture. The imagery in this is spectacular. Some of your descriptions of what is happening and could happen blew me away. I think some of the technical stuff (like periods and commas) could be improved, but at the same time that might just take away from the effect of what is going on. Great write and great edit. Kudos to you.

[Pinky]

sry took me awhile.... i liked it alot. the mood was very dark and deep

[Nely Amorim]

i've always thought this & sure I've told you before, but you are a gifted writer & someday i fully expect you to be a published author if you continue in this way.. well done Dillon, a strong piece as always :)