Sacramental tale of being

This poem is a tribute to people Suffering from Depression.

In the bath of waxing moon, a reverie,
Another haven where I'd rather be

Bafflement of now, pangs of being,
Affinity with annihilation,
Affrontation with animation,
And a persistent stretch of the sacred breath,
This Bastille is scathing with paradox.

In the no man's land I'm the deserter and knight,
With a longing for spring fields light,

Hushing the convictions of contradictions,
Of delusion, Dilemma and deception,
In this incorrigible battle since inception,
And the interludes of fortitude,
This Bastille is scathing with paradox.

Reviews

[Dennis Wolf]

It's an interesting thing.. Depression I mean.

So many people are completely oblivious to the fact that they are depressed.. Simply because the stereotype is that depressed people are always crying and stuff..

Well, the world is full of available distractions nowadays, to fill people's heads and keep them from realizing their own wretchedness.

Nice work.

[Tom]

Mental illness takes many forms, most if not not all are serious and debilitating, depression no exception, like a gloomy, oppressive captor, one's once natural spontaneity is deeply suppressed like you poetically phrase, ........' This Bastille is scathing with paradox.'

[W. Barrett Munn]

Very impressive. the rhyme flows so very naturally it is unnoticed other than how it contributes to the sound.

Winston

[Divyani]

Thank you for your kind words, could you please also leave some suggestions for improvement.

[W. Barrett Munn]

I think the only thing you are missing is tension. Tension is created by breaking the established rhythm, which can mean a single line enjambed with sll other lies either end stopped or end paused. In this poem you might enjamb like this:
Hushing the convictions of
contradictions, of delusion, dilemma,
deceptions.

Winston

[W. Barrett Munn]

PS
There is a multitude of ways to alter rhythm to create a tension: change of syntax from paratactic to hypotactic, breaking meter, using spondees.
A great example of tension and change of rhythm is Ezra Pound’s poem:

“The apparition of these faces in the crowd; petals on a wet black bough.”

[Divyani]

Oh, thank you so very much!