J

something short , well I don't know if I can call it ''a story'' or a ''a short novel'', anyways who ever reads it I would love to hear the comments.

I love you.

You heard me right. I am in love with you and it’s been I while I know that.

 I knew it  from the begging but  I can not explain it to you or myself either .

                

I  remember when I first saw you .It was the start of the second week of my working training program a typical cold winter Monday. I hate Mondays.I wasn’t feeling well , I was sick  that day. We had to see how other people do the job that we would do in the future and spent some hours with them,  ask  them questions if we had . I wasn’t in the mood at all, since my voice was almost gone, I felt sleepy , tired ,like you usually do when you feel sick.

Anna how you feeling ?asked me the trainer.

I am not well, but I will give my best to hold on .

You taking your medicine, you will have to have your voice  back next week since you will start working on your own.

Yeah I am taking them- I replied.

I actually lied I only take medicine when I am about to die otherwise I don’t .

Let’s go to the working room. Guys follow me please �" she said

We followed her to the next room, they where like 40 people in that room, working on computers, chatting, talking. 

I am going find you partners , you will sit next to them and see how they work- trainer added.

We were exactly six new people , so six partners, one for each. 

Leo you gonna sit next to him. Selena you gonna sit next to her. Elena next to him. And you three other just wait till I find partners for you. Leo,Selena and Elena please introduce yourself to the partners.

Leo ,Elena,Selena went to their partners. While Antonio, Christian and I waited for the trainer so she could tell us next to who to sit.

Antonio you gonna sit next to him. �"she pointed her finger next to a guy.

I just looked up for a moment. And there you were. Working. I don’t what you had or have, but I was completely  blown away . Just trying to explain how I felt in that moment makes it more ridiculous.

  

For the first time I was giving a s**t how I was looking. I knew I was looking awful.I had blue jeans and wide t-shirt on . In a way I was glad I didn’t sited next to you that day, because of the way I Looked. I had no make up on, my eyes were crying , my hair was a totally mess . I was thinking its not your day, you don’t look ‘’feminine’’ enough. .

Hi I am Anna.

Hi I am Andrew.

Nice to meet you Anna.

It’s my pleasure as well.

I wasn’t actually  sure that Andrew was  glad he met me , because he gave me a look like’’ really she have to sit next to me?!’’ I wasn’t blaming him at all, I looked horrible. But I didn’t cared I didn’t want to look for him pretty anyways.

Andrew was talking and writing on the computer . I asked him some questions but I really didn’t understood a damn thing he was doing.He said ‘’pechgehabt ‘’ wich  in English could be translate '' you had bad luck'' to someone he was talking to.

I was thinking ‘’pechgehabt Andrew’’ you got me today on your shoulder and for the rest of the week,  a sick  girl.  

The whole week went slow because when you are sick it feels like the time stops. 

Getting him out of your thoughts and heart Ann.But it was already too late you were there, sitting peaceful. You have to do something Ann? Stopped it now?  I started convincing myself that I don’t like you. That I liked somebody else. A guy named Eric, he had found me the job .he was older than me , taller than me, he wasn’t looking bad physically either. I guess at the time it was easier to start telling your heart a lie then accepting the truth. My thoughts where: you don’t know his name yet so its better for you . He is much younger than you probably 16 maximum 20 years old. Because you do still look younger than your age. He must have a girlfriend, and even if he don’t why would he date you anyway. He can have prettier girls. All those reason where enough to start living a lie. My own one. Eric was single, 28 , yeah taller  and I admit it he had a beautiful smile but that’s all. Everyday I went to work I repeat to myself  Eric’s name but you can't convince the heart even if you have repeated the name million times, it doesn’t work like that. I guess that place was taken by unknown name.So the pretending didn’t last long. I wasn’t lying about one thing as funny as it may sound ‘’ I didn’t liked you, I was in love with you’’ and that is a huge difference. The fist step was done I admit to myself I was in love again. What next? Nothing just let it flow the way it flows.

The next week we started working on our own, of course we were still new and needed help on the job, it have been a great opportunity to ask you for help and know you but instead of asking you I asked your friend Micheal not because I was proud or something like that but I guess I didn't wanted to meet you by creating a opportunity it sounded like forcing it, soon or later I would know your name anyways. Of course I was seeing you  every day but I wasn't talking to you yet ,and that week we hadn't lunch break at the same time. I usually have eaten lunch with Selena, Antonio, and Christian at the same location.

Ann is going to take a sandwich without meat and ketchup and yeah a short espresso. I heard Selena ordering in the restaurant.

I ordered for you Ann the usual

You know me well Selena.

How can you order a sandwich without meat? Are you vegetarian Ann?

No. Antonio I don't call myself  like that. I do eat meat but rare. It's been years that I lost the will to eat it, simply because it doesn't taste to me like it did before.

 Sometimes I used my break not for food but for taking a walk reading a book and having a cigarette. t the beginning i didn't smoked in front of my friends, because none of them smoked, while I was in the group the only one who did it. Yeah a woman's image of smoking isn't really '' a beautiful portrait '.

I had enough courage to add you as my friend on Facebook, but of course it was your choice to deny or accept me.  You accept me now I was also a ‘’virtual’’ friend.   I don't remember exactly which day it was, all i know is, I was the only one from my group who had lunch at that time,  I saw a couple of people, but I guess I am more the quite, shy and uncommunicative girl, who is scared of meeting and letting new people in. I wasn't sure  if the others wanted me in their table.  So I chose a different table, alone.  I put a book, my notebook where i wrote poems, my cigarettes and ordered a coffee. I  was writing when you came into my table.  I looked up and there you were I wasn't sure if i was dreaming or in reality.

You wanna join to our table? You don't have to be alone, we are a group. Only if you want to.

For a moment I couldn't say a word.  Like you were really talking to me, beside of the '' hi' 'you said to all in the work.

Ok I will finish this first and then join.

Ok see you.

I wrote two short  poems and drank my coffee. I picked my stuffs and stand up ans started walking to the  table were you guys where.

Hey Ann why where you alone?

I don't know didn’t want to bother you guys.

Crazy you don’t bother said Nick.

Do you smoke?

Yes I do.

Then smoke the others don't have anything against that we smoke. Me, Nick, and Andrew.

 

My first thought was from where the hell did you know that, because I have hidden the fact that I smoked, maybe you just guessed.

I started smoking when I was fifty teen of course I started it with friends. And you Ann?

When you were fifteen? How old are you now?i should stopping talking to myself!

Three years now. I was feeling very stressed  at a point of my life. And I created the idea that ciggaretes  calm me down and then I got addicted.  My parents know I smoke.

The others told the story of why they smoke, or why they didn't . And then we began the usually small talk about our work.

So every day from than, I  wore different outfits, dress, skirts, jeans, high heels or athletic shoes sometimes I putted makeup sometimes I didn't. In a way I made my mom happy her daughter was dressing feminine, she was going normal to work, oh yeah because of that change people said I was engaged I never found out to who I was engaged. I wonder how I looked  in your eyes? Do you ever thought she looks great today?  I guess you never noticed those things. You know when I think back , I smile, because I think we did for fun more, sometimes we blinked  with an eye  to each other, but I didn’t took it as a  flirting.

I worked for two months and than I got fired. It's a horrible feeling being fired. Especially when you need a job, and I need it to help my family out, my mom. I cried for the first time for  a job, I worked before but only summers I guess I missed the fact that I was used to wake up every day and go to work, to greet and hang out with you guys. End of the job meant as well not seeing you again, not asking you for help with the work, not being in your day.  I found out later that I had just bad luck I was literally fired because the pencil felt where my name was written. Of course there was ‘’Facebook’’ but virtual conversation can never replace  a direct conversation. But I hadn’t the courage to ask to ‘’hang out with you’’. We did some conversation. I think you noticed in summer , that I  may look at you more than friend. But to me you are both a friend and more then a friend.  I mean I gave a tip but it was not plan to give you a tip, I just agrued what you said with a stupid example without thinking much.

Anyways it wasn’t a lie . I cared then and now about you. I think we talked everyday in  summer, but I did saw others boys, I mean I went meeting them , beside of my feelings for you. With everyone I met I hoped I would find something from you , but of course no one where or  is like you. I wonder if I ever cross your mind even as a ‘’friend’’. Of course we talked different theme and also the love theme, I wasn’t sure how could I keep up with you on that theme since I don’t have any experience on that subject , I had a moment not a love story, I guess I was afraid of not looking into your eyes like a fool. October the 11^th I was out for a beer with my friends,  and like some other days or everyday you were on my mind. So I took the courage to write you what you already knew, about the way I felt about you. I tried the best to describe the way I feel about you. But even know I think I should have done it maybe better.  But would it matter anyway feelings can’t be forced. They are just there. I never wanted anyone’s attention more than I wanted yours. Even just a second of your presence , a blink of an eyes, a simply reply of my message from you and I am in happiness like I never experienced before. You maybe don’t know it but you have an effect on people even by doing absolutely nothing. You just amaze.

I don’t know why I read so many articles and stories about love, but no one could explain the way I feel. Love hasn’t a manual how you should treat or talk , or give , share or receive love. The only rule you should follow is the heart.  But I guess magic isn’t for everyone.

So you think you knew when and why  I am  in love with you? Think again darling.

 

THE END.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Rassoul]

Another amazing piece of writing, took me a while reading it but I really loved it, Donicca.

[Donicca Dona L]

Than you for reading it I really appreciate your opinion.
you are a professional on stories :)

[Rassoul]

Thank you so much.

[aj milton]

This is a nice little story. I'm glad she does eventually write and tell him her feelings.

I think most of us all have at least one memory - where we didn't express our feelings and wonder what might have been.

[Donicca Dona L]

thank you for your review :)