The Fallen Blade - Prologue and Chapter 1

Story of Suprises

Prologue

“There once was a dominion that was vast in power and might. The land that they lived on was only the best in the land. Everyone there was happy with what they had. Except for one man on the border of Mordu, in the kingdom that no man or woman has ever dared to come in to. He wanted to be the most powerful, the fiercest. The only person standing in his way was the great king ruling that vast domain right beside his borders. One day he said to himself, I am going to take over that kingdom and will make everyone fear me just like all my other enemies.  This plan will surprise them like never before. How do I know this? I was one of the victims. 

Chapter 1

It was a warm, happy day in the town of Kale; everyone thought that life was good. They never experienced the downsides of life and that day would be today. It happened at 3 in the morning; everyone was still in bed and had no idea that they were going to be attacked. The guards were all warming themselves by the fire. Then it happened no one knew what happened until the heard the rage of war. The battle cries arose and house after house was pillaged. Everyone seemed stumped on what had just happened. How did they get through the gates so easily? Everyone saw the horrific battle and they saw the soldiers being slayed one by one and then came the dragons. They ripped and tore everything apart. No one escaped in this battle. Then the troops of Kraegon advanced and overcame the others very quickly. They took everything and they killed everything the only thing that was left was the ruins from the great city that once was very great in vegetation and power. All in a day this wonderful, plentiful, innocent place was erased from the face of the map.  

Author's Note

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Reviews

[David Jae]

I like your prologue, it has real emotion in it.

Your first Chapter sets the scene well, but I feel that it would be stronger if it was being told by a character. However, I like how you cut to the chase and don't waste any words on needless description or exposition.

I like to see where this goes.

[Zac]

Thank you for your opinions
and helping me be a better writer

[David Jae]

You're welcome

[Rachel]

Great start! The only thing I could say is maybe fix a couple of grammar things. For example, maybe" Then it happened" can have a period before the next sentence so it isn't a run on words. Also maybe use another word instead of happened, which is used quite a bit.

[Zac]

okay,
thanks for the great advice

[Rachel]

Any time!!