Some fresh air

“Don’t worry, if it rains and you get scared, I will be there, so you can hug me really hard, if there is a hungry wild animal, I will be there so it eat me first and then have you for dessert, but I wouldn’t be jealous since I’m gonna be dead”

Right, Charlie always made her change her mind with his charming side, and this time wasn’t the exception, she changed her mind about the camping plans.

“You always make me smile Charlie, that’s why love you so much”

“Just because I make you smile?”

She felt like she just couldn’t possibly get enough of his sweetness, so she just kissed him and touched his face with her hand, and he loved it very much, it was a unique feeling that made him feel like he didn’t need anything else to be happy, he truly loved her so much.

So it was really early the next day when they were getting ready to go, Mandy, a really great friend of them was going to stay at Tanya’s  place to take care of her little cat Glenn , she knew both Charlie and Tanya really well. So they finally headed off to the woods and once they got out the city limits, they started to see the beautiful scene around them, everything was green, fresh air, the mountains, and even some cute little animals crossing the road, which Tanya was so worried about, and she asked Charlie to be careful and trying not to run over them, but just a few minutes after she fell asleep, and Charlie took advantage of that, to listen to his favorite music, country music, which Tanya didn’t like at all, and as he was driving he kept thinking himself about proposing to her, and he even have gotten the ring already, but he really wanted to find the perfect moment, all he knew was that, at the end of that weekend he would start his week either happy or sad, depending on Tanya’s answer. After almost 3 hrs of road they finally arrive to their destination the Olympic National Park at Port Angeles WA, a very beautiful place, and Charlie wanted Tanya to see it, so he woke her up, and asked her to look out the window, and when she did she was amazed by the beauty of the place, it was something she haven’t seen before. “Wow, its amazing” she told Charlie with her sweet smile “I’m glad you liked it” replied Charlie. Then they arrived to the camping-area and got off the car, they could smell the fresh air, and feel like they were in another world, the birds chirping, and flying all over the place it was paradise, but even with such amazing things Tanya couldn’t hide her fear for wild animals, and she nervously asked Charlie if they were the only ones there “No, there’s a lot of people around here” he said. So she just started packing off her stuff while Charlie was setting up the tents “You could stay with me in my tent of you are scared” said Charlie.

“Nice try Mr.” Tanya replied knowing of his constantly jokes. They finally set up the tents and they were already hungry “And what’s for dinner?” Charlie asked Tanya as he sat on his chair while opening a bottle of water “Dinner?” said Tanya “Well let me see” she said as she was looking inside the food backpack “We can have can soup, or can soup or maybe can soup” Charlie smiled “I love can soup, that’d be delicious”, so they made soup can for dinner and they enjoyed it very much, after that they went for a short walk around the area, but they didn’t went far because Tanya was insisting it was getting darker and she was afraid of getting lost at night in the woods, so they headed back to the camping area, and prepared themselves to go to sleep.

Reviews

[Aarontastic]

Sadly, I can't say that I like this chapter very much. The narrative itself non-withstanding, there are many grammatical errors and other weaknesses in the mechanics of your writing that vitiate its impact. I'll try to identify them.

First of all, the grammar: you're a competent speller, but it's the sentence structure that hurts this entry--it's composed almost entirely of run-ons. For example, from "She felt like...." to "...Tanya's answer", I count a total of 3 periods, but numerous commas. This is a problem because it makes the reader feel like they are gasping for breath, so to speak, by the sentence's end. The words flow together like a torrent and it makes the whole paragraph sound rushed and clumsy. Introducing semi-colons and breaking the word-flow down into more sentences would be a vast improvement Imo. Also adding in spaces between paragraphs and possibly dialogue sequences would certainly make this easier on the eyes.

There are other improvements I feel you could make to the structure. You have a tendency to sound repetitive because you draw on a small pool of adjectives: how many 'reallys' and 'verys' are in there? There are other word to qualify magnitude, and using them to mix your word choice up would make it more interesting.

By utilizing more variety in your sentence structure and your word choice, you could make this a far better story I think =]