Terminal Relationship

Written: 11/10/14

I have no idea where to begin or how to explain.
But i need to get this off my chest before I go insane.
Let me start by saying this relationship is too hard to matain.
And I still ask myself if I should leave you or just endure the pain.

Another day and the situation is the still same.
How it got this bad to me is such a damn shame.
Another night and a text in all caps by your name.
And in your mind you will always win this game.

The tears on my cheeks are the product of a man in stress.
Because I seem to be the last person that you try impress.
I feel there is only one solution to clean up this mess.
And it's to find someone better and never settle for anything less.

Not all scars show and not all wounds heal.
And you clearly can't see the pain that I feel.
It may be symbolic but it's there and it's real,
And for me it has always been a big deal.

It's always out of nowhere where you chose to ignore me.
Treating me like all the ex's that you've had before me.
To communicate with you I need someone to speak for me.
And it makes me wonder if you even know how to adore me.

You find a way to make me seem wrong in everything I do.
And think everything I say is a lie when it's actually true.
To fix the problem aurging is what you always result to.
What does me good does the complete opposite to you.

You were the one who taught me that the heart doesn't have a face.
But love can't exist with out the flame burning like a fire place.
The passion between us can't be brought back with a simple embrace.
It honeslty hurts to say you're like a mistake that can only be fixed if I erase.

Being with you is like having to endure a disease that is terminal.
Either waiting for the end or leaving a suicide note in my journal.
I hope you understand why my love for you is no longer external.
Because absolutely nothing can advance if me and you remain eternal.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I like that your message is very clear & straightforward, conveying a uniform tone of "being done" thru-out, which supports your title nicely.

In places, it feels like you're writing a line only to get the rhyme . . . examples:
"flame burning like a fireplace" -- sounds corny
"I need someone to speak for me" -- narrator obviously NOT needing spokesperson
"if you even know how to adore me" -- he doesn't want to be adored, he wants to be understood & have his truth validated, he's too intelligent to settle for being adored -- clearly written only for the rhyme.
In such instances, it doesn't FEEL like the words were chosen to craft honest, raw feelings.

3rd line, last word . . . should it be "maintain"?

Excellent contemporary idea & clear vision: "a text in all caps by your name"

Doesn't make sense: "may be symbolic" -- nothing symbolic in your whole poem

Realistic & raw feeling: "make me seem wrong in everything I do"

7th stanza, last line: fix "honestly"

[Daniel Valentine Rivera]

I've never received this kind of criticism but apparently I really needed it. Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and for analyzing it to write this review.

[SmittyJas]

Very expressive in the break up situation so many can relate to a controlling Partner such as this I know what You have written I can not resist To say been there done that oh what the mess it left behind For I just knew my life and love for her was wrong and blind

[Anonymous]

Wow, I honesty feel like I could have written that when I was in this abusive relationship a while back. That was very well written, nice job!

[ThePaperPrincess]

Not my favourite poem of yours, but I still appreciate the message it portrays:) Good work it was a pleasure to read.

[Alexandra Hounschell]

Ugh, I was in a relationship like this awhile ago. I was fucked for a year with him. Ughhhh

[Daniel Valentine Rivera]

Aww well It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who has been in a bad relationship.

[Alexandra Hounschell]

It's absolute HELL (if Hell existed that is)

[Daniel Valentine Rivera]

Well I hope you're able to find a someone who can make your life the complete opposite.

[Alexandra Hounschell]

I wish I will too...

[Pink Pastel]

I love it I got stuck reading it . its almost like a rap song really good♡♥♡♥♡

[Daniel Valentine Rivera]

I'm glad you liked it. Music inspires me to write poetry so that's why it can sound like a song. Thank you for the review. :)

[Emily L]

Very nice poem. You can really tell how much time and dedication you put into this. You really engaged the reader into showing how much anger you have with this person. I love all of the metaphors you used like ,"being with you is like having to endure a disease that is terminal" it really gives the reader a sense of what you are feeling and what you are relating this feeling to. Great poem! Keep writing.

[Daniel Valentine Rivera]

Thank you for the wonderful review. :)