APPARITION OF BOGGY DRAW

Dead horses are reported filing into Boggy Draw, never to be seen again.

APPARITION IN BOGGY DRAW [Story #147219]

An Apparition in Boggy Draw .You may have heard about Boggy Draw, it is`nt really a draw at all, it is more of a hollow, or small, deep valley.

.Word around Thunder Butte was that people would step out of the ranch house at night, if they happenedto be high up and approaching the Moreau River breaks, they had seen long lines of horses, head down, depressed and spooky looking, single file , headed down the ridge to Boggy.
 
I had never seen anything , but then our ranch house was down in the creek bottom s of Thunder Butte Creek, so Boggy is`nt visible there.
 
One day, when I was about twelve years of age, ridingdown toward Boggy, I thought I heard bubbling, boiling sounds coming from the direction of Boggy.It was getting along toward dark and I did`nt have much time, so I slapped the old mare with my bridle reins accross her flank and we headed down the slope into the bowels of Old Boggy.
 
I was going to find out what was making those sounds. The Old Mare was balky and stubborn this evening , she just plainly did not want to go down into the draw, but I spurred her on down and as we approached the bottom, where there was a very smallstream, she just totally balked. I could not make her move another step. After about a half hour of leading, coaxing and spurring her on, she finally gave in and stumbled down the hill in to the bowels of Boggy.
 
As we came to the edge of this tiny stream, she started to pull the same stunt, sitting back on her haunches, refusing to take another step. Finally aftermuch coaxing and losing of my temper she gave a mighty lurch and we landed in the middle of thestream----mind you, this stream was only a trickle of clear water. As we hit the middle of the stream at the bottom of Old Boggy, the Old Mare did`nt just splash, she sunk

.Probably some sixth sense, having been practically born on a horse and in strange conditions like this ,I flew off the horse, landing well in front of her and at the edge of the stream. Some sixth sense, or perhaps some power from a Higher Source caused me to land on a place of solid footing and with my throwing rope in hand.
 
By the time I had turned arround to look, the Old Marewas almost completely sunk out of sight, only her nose and the saddle horn remained above the water. QUICK SAND ! A country boy does`nt have to be drowning to understand even the smallest symptom of quick sand, we live in fear of it all the time .
 
I threw that rope without a moment`s hesitation and it snagged the saddle horn, first shot. Then, spieing an old tree over my shoulder, I lashed the rope arround the tree trunk and started to haul in the mare. One inch at a time,

.For  the next three hours, I pulled and adjusted the rope. The mare heaved and struggled and inch at a time she rose higher in the quick sand and closer to firm ground. Like I said, for three hours I pulled and adjusted that  throwing rope and the mare struggled and finally despite her moans and groans and a lot of  other strange,unearthly moaning and groaning, bubbling mud and splashing sounds from out of sight, you see it was almost completely dark now, the old mare came free.

She was so weak she could hardly stand, but we bothstood there amid the most unearthly sounds you have ever heard until we could both walk again. Having finally escaped the quicksand, I lead the Old Mare up Boggy Draw until the ground under foot became very rocky, then throwing a ton of big rocks into the stream I found a place where the rocks remained visible in the water, no quicksand. I crossed safely here, leading the mare and we scrambled out of Boggy amid a chorus of dieing screams and unearthly moans from the bowels of Old Boggy.
 
Nobody has ever heard of this adventure until today.You see, out in the country I would have been laughed at. Everybody knows such things never happen.Everybody knows about the strange, one way, single file apparitions hauntingly filing into Boggy to never be seen again. Everybody knows things like this are just coming out of the fertile imaginations of kids, so it has remained, along with my silent fears, for all of these years, The apparition of Boggy Draw.

---- Eagle Cruagh
 

 

Reviews

[x]

This is an amazing write. I could scarcely breath throughout the whole narration and even now, my heart beats in my ears....
Brilliant imagery, so real I felt the fear and the utter exhaustion of the entire episode.
There is a lot of heart given in the delivery of this piece and this sprinkling of emotion adds a dimention that will draw in many more readers. If a reader can empathise or be drawn into a character or a scene....then you have them.....it's really that simple.
I can only say...I loved this write....entirely and completely. Loved the thought that the story has only come to light now so that makes the reader feel honoured. Loved the naivety of the young boy and how he coped when thrown into an unholy situation with only his wits to save him. Loved the way the story has been related as he is now, an adult looking back and yet, somehow all that mystery and dare is still there....In the telling of this story there is a glimpse of the emerging character of the young subject and that is just part of the appeal of this write.
It's fresh, real and it captured me.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

a perfect near halloween tale - and i love the narrator you use for this.. rough-hewn and craggy voiced, telling it in a bit of a whisper so the fellas at the other table don't hear it.. wonderful!

[talulu love]

WOW..... i like this story its like something u can image up in your head and thats wat a good writer does keep it up

[Jen]

I liked this story, really I did. As first drafts go, it really has a lot of editorial mistakes that need to be ferreted out. I am sensitive to form mistakes as my eyes stick to them and detract from the story. I do agree with the others here that it has a good voice. If it were read (or told around a campfire) it would flow fairly smoothly. That said, I'll point some of the mistakes and spellings that caught my eye.

Throughout this piece you have extra spaces in some places and missing spaces in others. You have several run-on sentences, and a few should be separated either into separate sentences or at the very least with semi colons. You make the contraction isn't and didn't with the apostraphe in the wrong spot, and you spell dying and spying wrong. Yes when adding -ing, they're spelled with a -y-. I realize the MC is only twleve and the speech is right on, but you can keep the speech at that level and still write. That said, there were a couple of sentences I tripped over.

"they had seen long lines of horses, head down, depressed and spooky looking, single file , headed down the ridge to Boggy."
>>This is one of the run-ons I feel should be two sentences, and it needs to be reworded. Maybe, "spooky looking, headed single file down the ridge"

Paragraph 4, is short and the repetition of Boggy is jarring. In such a short paragraph, you should switch it up a bit. Paragraph 7 you repeat perhaps some sixth sense. Again in such a short paragraph, I would try to find another way to express that feeling. I can give you a line by line edit if you want, but it would get very long here. Reread it, not out loud, you've got a good voice, but with a critical eye to catch the spelling and form mistakes. You'll get them.

Good story. Thanks for sharing.

Jen

[Tracie Skarbo]

I like this one, again you have given the suspense like no other I have read on this site. But what I liked more was the fact it was creepy. I was glad the horse was spared, for the main character as well as the horse. I could not imagine being in such a place all alone. It would be enough to drive a person mad, to say the least. I also liked the way you have given the story in narration, and the ending told as it was made it more the legend in my mind.

A wonderful read.

Tigra

[me]

This was a great story. I could picture the campfire atmosphere to it. There are a couple of spacing issues, andone or two run on sentences, but they weren't enough to detract from the overall pleasantness of this story. Great job!

[Flame DM]

I found this story quite amusing. I pictured someone actually talking to me as this story was being red, and I enjoyed it very much. *Thumbs up* This is definately a campfire story or a story you could just entrance with a bunch of kids sitting around listening intently.

[James Watts]

I liked this. A lot. Only drawback was there so little of it.

[KUFU]

A story tailor-made for the campfire! I got chills as the moans echoed up and around Thunder butte Creek! I feel like I should get some marshmallows and read this tale again!