Dawn

The bedroom was in silence, but for our breathings.

An open window erase the essence of yesterday with fresh air, while warm light of sun infiltrates on the room , creating shadows in the walls, memories of last night.

The body next to me rest ignorant of a new day. In calm, not knowing what expect, but without losing hope, or at least, sleep.

My mind travels out of control remembering past chances, how much I have lost? But I’ve grew up strong. I try to keep memories away, where they can´t hurt, but they always find their way back, right in the middle of my chest. Shaking what was in calm once, and now threatens to be broken again.

When feelings attack, there is no place to run, no place to hide. You are the only one who can judge you. The only one who is awake in lonely dawns.

Author's Note

Corrections and any idea which can improve my writing. Thank you :)

Reviews

[Cait]

Hi again. It's the title of this that had drawn me in. The message you are conveying is lovely once again. This is only the second piece that I've looked at, but it seems that your writing is short. I'm not saying this as a complaint, I'm saying this as in that it works really well. The imagery and length really help place off one another because we can absorb all essences of the piece without losing any.

I'll go head and try to help you with some errors:

1)Your first sentence has me a bit confused. I think I understand what you are getting at. Maybe try "The bedroom was silent only for our breathing."
2) "The body next to me rest ..." change "rest" to "rests" for correct conjugation.
3) "In calm, not knowing what expect ..." change "what expect" to "what to expect"
4) "My mind travels out of control remembering past chances, how much I have lost?" -- is this supposed to be a question? I feel like what you have written is a statement. If you want it as a question change "how much I have lost" to "how much have I lost?"
5) "But I've grew up ..." change "I've grew up" to "I've grown up" for correct conjugation
6) "Shaking what was in calm once, ..." -- reads a little confusing in English. It's the preposition 'in' before calm. Try "Shaking what was once calm" or "Shaking what was calm once". The first one of these two reads better as far as syntax goes, but both are correct.
7) The last sentence is fully understandable; yet, the preposition 'in' is kind of throwing it off. Maybe try "The only one who is awake at lonely dawns" or "The only one who is awake during lonely dawns."

I hope this can help, and feel free to take whatever advice you choose. I enjoy editing and grammar, so if you need any help at all, I would love to do just that!

Gracias!

[Elle Alley]

Thanks for the corrections! I am going to try and change the text during the day :)

[Deepak Belbase]

This is one of those piece of writing that always make me feel happy from inside. a few words bring a situation and a very deep message. Thanks for sharing!

[Pathtaken]

I like it very much, brings back memories. Judgement and regret. I get a feeling of resolve in the end. I look forward to reading more from you.