Chapter 1: It begins with the End

The first chapter. In a whole adventure to come.

The sun shone brightly on the warm June day when the semi hit the girl with a splat. She was walking home with the hopes of upcoming summer vacation. The children around her were talking and making plans for parties late in the night. Blood splattered the windshield and stained the bright navy paint. Her body crackled like 1,000 knuckles under the weight of the truck. Buckets-worth blood spread on the street, and a girl wearing a crop-top, taking selfies on her iPhone 7 plus. Screams of fear and disgust rose from the passing students, and sirens started to wail. There was crying as her peers looked on her mangled, dead corpse. Then they realized... that they would never see the girl again. 

The funeral was a dreadful one. It was closed-casket because her body would have made anyone in their right mind throw up their guts, which she had none of. Everyone came. Her bullies, friends, best friends, ex-boyfriend, cousins she didn't remember, those people she only said "hi" to once or twice in the halls, and her mom. Her dad wouldn't be coming because he spent that time drinking away his problems like always. But everyone who was there said they knew her so well. How she loved to go on hikes up mountains, and how she loved the color pink. When really, she loved to go boogie boarding at the beach and adored the color mint. She loved to stay at home and play video games while drinking sodas. Her favorite season was winter, where she could snuggle up with hot cocoa and YouTube. She always wanted to see the world, especially Japan. But the only one who knew all this was her closest friend Sydney. Who cried in the bathroom, wishing she could hug her and fall deeper in love with her... one last time.

Iris never really thought about death. She always tried to push the thought out of her head, because it made her feel sick to her stomach. But she did have to think about it, especially when she saw a 2-ton truck 4 inches from her face. She never knew what happened after death, and didn't really want to. She just wanted to live the one life she had to the fullest. But... she was wrong on that account. If Iris had to pick anywhere she would end up after death, it would have been on a white fluffy cloud or the deepest pits of red fiery mud. Maybe a lush oasis, maybe another hospital and a new life. 

She did not expect to be in an office building's waiting room.

Iris sat straight up from the chairs she was laying on and looked around frantically. She didn't know where she was, and what the heck happened. But her thoughts were interrupted by a peppy voice saying,

“Iris Gay Dover? Is there an Iris Gay Dove?”

Iris instinctively got up and walked over to the desk. Behind it was a girl no over the age of 24, with pastel pink hair flowing down her back and shoulders. She had a kind smile and soft brown eyes. 

"I'm here, but my name isn't Iris Gay Dover, it's Iris Gaaii Dover. Like gah-ee. It was my grandmother's name." Iris said, wondering why she was not asking all the questions racing in her head like the Indy 500.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, I just got this job 1 year ago, and I'm still getting the hang of it. I only got 4,999 years left to work, and then I'll have earned enough soul points to live in Uptown." The receptionist looked up dreamily at the ceiling. 

Iris just stood there, trying to take in what she just said. Another voice interrupted, this one more slick and monotone.

"Cathy. What in ____'s name are you doing?"

Iris paused. She turned to face the woman. She had said nothing. It wasn't like she closed her mouth, she just said something, but no words or breath came out. Iris just stood there more puzzled than when she had to explain why she had to study exponential growth in French for a skit that was a grade in English, and if she failed she couldn't get into social studies honors, which meant she would not get into a good college to pursue science. She was more puzzled than her parents during that conversation. Father was drunk, so he didn't think much of it.

"Helllloooo?? Iris? You ok???" Cathy frantically waved her hand in front of Iris's face and accidentally hitting her smack in the nose. 

"Ugh," the slick woman looked disgusted. "Come with me, Iris. We have a lot of planning to do." She walked toward a wood door as bland as she was, and didn't look back to see if she was following.

Iris chased after her. "Planning? Soul points? Uptown? What ever you said before?? What the HELL is going on?!?" 

"Sorry, I don't believe you're qualified for Hell."

The door slammed behind them.

Reviews

[newportj15]

To begin I always enjoy stories about life after death and other people's interpertation of it. With that being said, there are a lot of structural pats that need to be reworked.

You begin your story with a great hook, but instead of keeping us captivated with the description of Iris' death and the brutallity of it you luanch into what the scene was like. The first paragraph might work better as two seperate works.

I would also recommend not swtiching so quickly between supporting characters that will be most likely featured in the future. The example would be her best friend Sydney. You quickly go to where Sophie is with no lead up.

I do like the idea of an office afterlife, but tell us what it sounds like. What does Iris see and smell, what/who are other souls sitting near by her. Maybe there is a person with a horrific head injury, or someone that just looks bored because they are at the DMV afterlife.