A Place Like This

It's a difficult place when it gets like this

She looks in the mirror with a blade to her wrist

All she ever craves is his long lost kiss

His lost presence is her only wish

Her wants always gets a dismiss

She aims for comfort but always miss

Who's there for her when it gets like this 

It's never an easy place when it gets like this

Her father's death got her to a place like this

So now she only feels peace in a place like this

Her mother has to help her out of a place like this

Blood and misery usually covers a place like this

Suicide seems to be the only way out of a place like this

Reviews

[Jennie Baron]

Overall an outstanding poem. Despair, depression and misery come through. I might make a couple of minor edits but basically this is nicely complete. For one, I suppose the first line should be "It's a difficult place when it gets like this."

Also, you might consider rewriting the fifth line as something like "Her wants and needs are always dismissed."

The next two lines sounded a little odd, maybe because the grammar is nonstandard. Of course I kept wanting it to be "She always aims for comfort but always misses"! But that messes up the rhyme and flow. Not sure exactly how I'd change it unless to say "She always aims for comfort but will always miss." It's up to you and a poet's use of language is his prerogative.

You have also done a good job of repetition to make your words sound powerful. All in all, I'm happy to read some new writing of yours and that you shared it.

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you for the decisive review and I will fix the mistakes now.

[Stephanie M]

Your poem is very well written, and full of emotion. I think we can all relate to that feeling at some point in our lives.

[TPK Stories]

suicide is a lonely means to an end...well written Jack...

[maria ( rose)]

This is deep. You described a dark place to where I could feel the sadness and pain. The repetition is remarkable. I like the format, another poem. well done!!

[Jack Kennedy]

Thanks, i'm glad you enjoyed it.

[GeraldFIngBurke]

The grammar threw me off for a second, but the style and form absolutely validated it. The repetition echoes the sense of despair. Not only deeply emotionally involved, but structurally brilliant. I dig this one. Also, line 6, maybe try something like "Her aims for comfort always miss"

[Jack Kennedy]

Yes i like that line six, im not very good at the grammar I'm still improving on that in particular

[GeraldFIngBurke]

Grammar is something you could always improve, but your style and voice are excellent. It's a lot easier to learn how sentences are structured than it is to learn to bring life into them. You have the latter down.

[Jack Kennedy]

I thank you very much for the words as they're veey encouraging.

[Allie]

In complete honesty, I am in LOVE with this poem! It's hard for me to 'enjoy' poems about self-harm, depression, etc, for most of them are either totally off of the concept, or just too brutal. The rhyme scheme is also wonderful! I quite like the 'like this' endings! Maybe on line five, you could possibly say, "Her wants always receive a dismiss," or something along those lines! This poem is very well thought-out and very emotional. Overall, it's great!

[Jack Kennedy]

Wow thank you for reading this and reviewing this. I thank you very much again.

[Yaren]

I like this one ! Greaatttt

[Ana B.]

a very insightful poem , goes well with the song: ''Smother'' by Daughter

[Jack Kennedy]

Never heard that song but I got the flow of it from a Majid Jordan song "A place Like This". Thanks for the review as always glad to get feedback

[TL Boehm]

Such a sad place when we are without hope, when we are desperate because of the mirror of someone else. When we can't see our own worth. Well penned.

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you for the review glad you liked it

[Dark Poet]

Very dark and sad but I also relate greatly, like many others would.

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you for the review

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

Powerful write, I loved reading this.

Kaze~ :-)