Bitter

A Poem by Eisha

I feel bitter
The human equivalent of an unsweetened caffeine fix
It leaves me thinking
Everything I do is for nothing
But when I do nothing I feel like I should be doing everything
I feel bitter I’m not given a chance
Yet I feel bitter I’m given all of these chances
So many opportunities, thrown up in the air
But they all slip through my fingers
Because when I reach out to catch them
All I can feel is thin air
It coats my fingers and my limbs
The emptiness invests itself carefully
In my mind where it festers and hides
As I feel myself running out of time

Time makes me feel bitter
Time, as we speak, is leaving us behind
I need all of these minutes to stay by my side
Yet when I look to my right
All I can see are the hours and the days
And the months and the years
Out of my grasp, yet somewhere in between my hands
I cannot keep them all, there’s too many
Yet I feel as if I don’t have any

Why, why, why
Do I feel like I’m being pushed aside by myself
When to me, I’m the only person that matters
Because when I’m alone, I have me by my side
Why can’t I be enough?
Why am I looking for more, more, more?
Because when it’s right in front of me
I know it can never be mine at all?
I wish I didn’t want what I can’t have
But when it’s not mine it’s untouchable
Ethereal, pure, undiscovered
So I should just leave it that way
But that does not leave me feeling fine
In fact I feel bitter
The human equivalent of an unsweetened caffeine fix