My Mythic man lives. - (Freeverse Poem)

3am this time. I'm mixing it up a little! Update - This was originally intended as a free verse poem. I've updated the title in response to criticism.

You bring me sunshine in rain,

but it's never the same

rays twice a day.

Each time a new take or way

of viewing the world, night

or day. Love is the light

you shine, and dreams

are the thoughts you beam.

Your mind is a cenote

to explore and dote,

to delve into, never to return the same

but, never less, to still return human.

There are no words or vowels

or consonants I could vow

how much I am in love

with you. You and I are woven

together through space and history,

pieced together like an unsolved mystery.

Tied by heart by ribbon and twine,

I'll forever be yours and you'll forever be mine.

Reviews

[Karen]

Beautiful poem! I love the way the poem begins. I never thought about the rays of the sun as being different than yesterday's rays, and how that would reflect the way a person makes me feel. Creative (and creativity in this field is a breath of fresh air!). I also had to look up the word "cenote" but really like the word AND the way you use it in this poem. It's great! Thank you for writing and sharing this poem with us!

[shallimarRose]

I definitely see the point about the second half being stronger poetically. Stanza two has eight lines where as stanza one has twelve. You might consider going in and keeping the strongest lines in the first stanza cutting it down to eight also. I think this might make for a smoother feel and flow. Enjoyed this all the same Ellie. thank you for the rr. shallimarRose

[London's Lily]

I think the first half of this poem would be fine if it was just rearranged a bit ~ move a few words to extend some lines, change where the breaks are, and it'll flow better. It's a lovely poem :) Just needs a bit of a tweak in the line breaks, that's all. :)

[Christopher Angel]

I agree with despitegreathands review below. The beginning was rough, a little uneven. The third stanza was on a new line but felt like it was a continuation from the second. It felt like you were trying to figure out what you wanted to say.

The second verse was a lot better, it was straight to the point and hit all the high notes and ended off with a satisfactory bang.

[Elinor Williams]

I agree, but isn't this what love is? It's not being able to choose words or knowing what to say, and in the end you make do with what you that'll never quite justify how strongly you feel, but the conclusion is never the less beautiful and natural? That's what I sort of wanted to get across, really xD but I have to admit, I feel this poem is weak compared to my previous few :/
thanks for your comment!

[Christopher Angel]

it's not weak! Just uneven. And I agree with your justification. Just that sometimes to get something across to a wide range of readers, you may need to clean up some of the liberties to make it more acceptable. You've done a good job and I felt your emotion definately

[despitegreathands]

Hi! I hope this isn't too critical but the second half is sooo much better than the first half! It feels uneven to me. The second half could easily make a girl cry lol. I would remove the first half altogether.
Sorry if this comes off as mean. I just love the second half so much I feel like the first half takes away from the overall poem.

[Elinor Williams]

Of course it's not mean! I definitely welcome comments like this :D Although I'm not sure if I'll change it, it'll help for my future writing! I think it depends if I want to go back to it ^-^ Thank you!