Dear Mom and Dad: This is What I Haven’t Told You.

I rose up in a good home,

A Christian home

A Hmong home quickly adjusting to American ways.

My parents loved us and cared for each of us

My three siblings and I,

But I was left, sitting in my rocker and lying on my bed "

To gaze at the world

Open mouthed and wide eyed

While my loving parents paid attention to my adorable sister.

In that time, I wondered at the world

I gazed at the ceiling as my lips grew dry

And my eyes grew wider,

As my thoughts kaleidoscoped into ideas,

Only limited by my child like mind.

 

Looking back now, I can’t help but feel hurt "

For my brother and I,

The neglected children.

I see it now "

It is so blatantly obvious!

My parents ignored my brother after she was born

And I lied in my crib as I experienced nothing

And my thoughts exploded into nothing!

 

My brother quickly learned that his parents didn’t care anymore "

That his only means of gaining attention was through his baby sister "

And that now " all he cared about was us "

Because his parents paid him no mind.

 

Growing up, I soon learned the same lesson,

But I grew up caring about no one,

While caring about everyone too much.

My parents pestered my brother growing up in his lost world "

While they never bothered to look into mine.

But no, my sisters were completely fine.

Until they screwed up and found their lovers

Only to be crushed by the reality of the outgoing life style

Of partying and trusting people too much.

But my parents " after much crying and bleeding "

Forgave them and kept smiling "

While they watched my brother and I with the observant eye "

Seeing potentionless children who had no life "

In their dull, plastered eyes.

 

And my brother and I stayed cooped up in our rooms "

Watching.

Listening.

Observing the world around us as time passed and people casually walked on by "

Our dying bodies "

Our growing thoughts into deformed trees "

Covered in Sakura flowers.

And no one noticed.

My sisters continued to be absorbed up in themselves.

I listened to them telling me stories of their struggles "

But they refused to listen to mine.

My brother developed his own way of thinking "

So much that I cannot even understand him now.

But I still love him dearly "

As we continue to find ways to connect "

At least.

 

When I found my other whole "

And we fitted together like yin and yang "

6 and 9.

I realized that he would love me no matter what.

I kept hurting him because of my insecurities and my selfish needs "

But he kept smiling at me "

For seven years now.

I try to give him back more than he has given to me "

But he may never realize it either.

But no matter "

I love him because he loves me "

And through him my compassion has reigned "

Because he also sees all of my pain "

Of neglection and loneliness

Of my inner, spiritual battle "

While still keeping me holy.

He found me in the dark "

Kept me in the warmth "

Of the harsh breathing "

Of his beating heart.

And here I am.

By his side "

Till death "

Do us part.