grief

from a review of Phibby's poetry . . .

Your loss must have exploded from your heart.

I heard  that small, still voice of longing

as the ash settled from the sky --

melancholy floated over the hills on the wind.

I tried to catch it in a mayonnaise jar
like those lightning bugs when we were little--

But, I never thought
and it turns out that the holes in the lid were too large anyway.

 

I was sorry to see your grief set loose

to lose a thing and then lose the sadness--

to be doubly bereft.

I expected the feeling to have floated

halfway across the country by now . . .

and yet, here it still is

draped around your shoulders like a delicate shawl

as if to keep you cold on lonely nights.

 

Reviews

[Sel Whiteley]

Wow...
This was so emotive, you able to capture the image of someone grieving, someone who is beyond childhood, beyond even any joyful moments at all. My favourite lines are, that's an image brilliantly caught.

I heard your voice of longing as the ash
settled from the sky --
the melancholy floated over the hills on the wind.

For me, and this only a personal opinion, that third stanza emphasises the loss of childhood innocence and the loss of person themselves, and I think, while it is not perhaps quite so imagistic, it gives context and becomes imagistic because of the echoes it has of the previous stanza.

[Sabine]

This 'grief poem of yours'-- It possesses strength and loving movement. Sabine

[Sarai Akscyn]

Oh Emily, I'm back. Grief happens to have propelled me ... and drawn me to your imaginative poem. I love it. The second stanza is a cluttered mess that stops the flow ... I'd begin with tossing out the mayonnaise from the 'jar'. It departs from the simplicity of the imagery your poetry set. Sarai

[Hedra Helix]

ohh man that's so great, echoes how ive been feeling, nice little shot of visual and emotion wrapped up and served pretty. I could see it. Feel it. it was current, gets inside, kind and alive.

[Ken Simm.]

Ashes and grief in a mayonaisse jar. Beautiful, rich metaphors that add immesurable layers to a song about grief.

[Plexiglass]

Ok I was struggling with this poem for quite a while and I think my main complaint is the third stanza. I like the plain spokeness of this poem and I like how you say mayonnaise and it was just not a word I expected to see in this poem but the third stanza just doesn't appeal to me like the rest had. I think the wording might be a little off to me. At my first read through I was also like "Why were there holes in the jar?" and then I realized that you probably meant air holes. I don't know, I'm not being very helpful and I'm feel very picky but I feel like there are a few missteps in this poem that at least hold my attention when I want it directed elsewhere. But overall this is very good and it's a very good ending.

[mick weller]

grief is largely selfish...
sort of thing to keep you chilly upon a warm night... brrr

[W.k.kortas]

Some of the other Emily, with just hints of Masters around the edges (and I don't throw around Masters comparisons like they were nickels). It's surprisingly visual, replete with some beautiful images. This is some awfully good stuff.

[just is]

Heartfelt and wonderful, beautiful write here.