scribbles

another loose one

I thought of you today.

I took all the things I wanted you to know
scribbled them on a card
and tied them to the tail of a red balloon.

Hopeful--let it loose to the wind--
knowing you will not get the words
in my time -
or your time.

And if the worn and weathered
ink has faded
beyond what you can read--
hold it close.
You will know
my heart -  without the scrawl.

In the meantime, be well.

I love you.

 

Reviews

[Zatoichi]

This is a beautiful poem, a favorite.
I like the way you structured it but have one minor suggestion.

I think if you put a line break after the first line, and break before the last line, the architecture of the poem would complement the soft drama of your soulful words even more. This would also provoke a peripheral reading thus(ly?):


I thought of you today.

(body
of
poem)

I love you.


do you see how the eye would naturally play with that?

Your best poems are so heartfelt, and your layout of the words so creative that I hesitate to say anything. Then I think "but isn't that what we're here for?" Therefore, my humble opinion, fwiw. This poem is beautifully written; you have a gift for sentiment- sweet yet never cloying.

[WhiteWillow]

We all long to find a message with words of inspiration and love, even if its not meant for us (kinda why we're here, right?). Loved your poem.

[Keve]

As was writ upon that weathered card... no words.

Fine poem.

[abhas]

such a sweet poem... really a nice thought... :)

[Alicante lullaby]

the flight and the vigour of these words charged me up...as i sit watching dawn here in pakistan...love it.

[Emily B]

Zatoichi, you were exactly right. I didn't want to lose that nice balloon shape but adding the spaces improved the look of it!!!

Thanks much for sharing your observation . . .

[Tomás Ó C..]

:-) Nice poem...

[David Lewis Paget]

This puts me in mind of a 'message in a bottle' - same idea. Where and when will it wash up, on what foreign shore? Sad that we can't be more forthright and just tell the loved one exactly what we feel for them - perhaps that language doesn't really exist? Perhaps those feelings change from day to day, so often and are so fleeting that they're beyond capture anyway.

[An owl on the moon]

This has such a stunning feeling and lightness to it.. deeply emotive and introspective, your words drift lovingly down as the balloon lifts overhead... Profoundly beautiful!

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i like the idea of the poem. the note scribbled and released on a balloon. it's very ..... poetic? romantic? all of the above? nicely done.