Things Change, We Don't

Things Change, We Don't

A Chapter by Becky Fix
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This is where the whole mess begins. . . kind of.

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Things Change,

       We Don’t

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think I have a better connection with the moon more than I do with the sun. I’m not sure which one is the girl or boy in the relationship, or whatever. They could be two boys or two girls, who knows? If they even do have a relationship, I have to give them props. That is one long distance relationship. They’re so far away from each other but they still work together to hold us in place�"to give us a sense of light and dark. We don’t feel so lonely with them watching us.

   I wish I could compare them to you and I, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. Our relationship is totally different. Not that I wanted it to be.

   The trees, they’re not alive right now. They will be in a couple months when I get to see you. Honestly, it doesn’t matter when I see you. As long as I do, I’m fine with it. Even though the trees aren’t as pretty as the summer green leaves, I still adore them, as I do you. There should be snow on the ground but there is not one snowflake anywhere. You don’t have any snow where you are either, but that’s natural. I miss winter without you. I miss summer without you. I miss fall and spring without you. It’s just not the same for you, I’m aware.

   On the road I have so much to look at and so many other things to think about. All I can think about is you. I didn’t visit you. I didn’t see your face or your smile. I couldn’t hear your laugh one last time.

   It’s funny how on vacation, I looked up at the stars and thought of us. How you held me on your rooftop and I looked at the stars. I feel like the stars are just tiny babies of the sun. Maybe comets are the moon’s babies. Me? I don’t want babies. Maybe I’ll adopt children. They need homes.

   You just left. I couldn’t do anything about it.

    There are a lot of things you taught me�"some well and some bad. You changed me a little bit, maybe a lot. I don’t know. When it snows, it feels colder than last year.

   Right now, sitting in this hotel that has no service. I’m trying to text you back. “Please send! I’m trying to text someone important!” I whined to my cellphone, which is in reality an inanimate object. I miss you. I miss you a lot. I’m not sure if you were lying when you said the same. If you were, I forgive you. The light is touching the opposite side of the earth and I can’t do anything about it, only you can. The future’s yours to blame. What I could compare myself to is the earth. You two revolve around me like it’s nothing. I wish I could ask you to come home, but the sad part is it’s not your home. The really depressing part is I don’t think you want to. Then again, I don’t know what you want. I never do. You never tell me. You never did. For some reason, I don’t want to know anything. I wait for you to tell me, because if I ask a question, you’ll get offended. Maybe you won’t, I’ll never know. Should I ask you something today, definitely not? Do you like me? I know the answer to that and it’s not a good one. You’re the villain and prince charming in my life. We didn’t spend that much time together and yet you’re already all I think about, all the time. I’m either in love with you or just a psycho. It might be both. I never know what intentions you have when you talk to me. We all know mine.

   Walking passed the locker you used to be at every school day just reminds me of you. I also sit right behind the lunch table we used to sit at. I miss it. I miss you. I don’t know why you began talking to me again. Do you want to make Courtney jealous, or because you want to break up with her? I’ll never know. You told me things were bad with her, she was flirting with other guys. I’m not sure if she deserves you. I’m not even sure if I do.

   But I guess I’ll never know. You said I was your first choice, but if that were true, you would’ve never left in the first place. Go on; be happy, I love you.

 

   There was a sailor. He loved to travel around the world with his crew. This young sailor met a mermaid on one of his journeys. They became friends. He began to grow feelings for her.

   “Would you like to be together?” He asked her.

   “Well, yes, but how can we be together when you’re sailing to all these places?” The mermaid with black silky hair and sparkling gray eyes asked him.

   “I can live on your land for a while,” he said to her.

   So he did. He lived with her until he needed to travel once more. He told her that he’d never forget about her.

 

   Now I’m at school with nothing to do but write about how much I write about you. Somehow, everyday, I find something new to say about you. It’s insane. Am I insane? I’m not sure. I haven’t talked to you in�"what�"three days? Too long, that’s for sure. Even though before you started talking to me again, you didn’t talk to me for two or three months. Doesn’t matter though, do it?

   Last night it was lightning. Either that, or it was the light from some sort of truck. God, I miss you. You think I don’t? Trust me, I do. Remember the day you left? Remember what I said to you? You hugged me and I said, “Well, have a good life,” and I walked to my dad’s car where I sobbed my eyeball’s out. I was a complete wreck, I still am. I’m sure you knew the night before. I fell asleep crying on you. Not that I regret crying in front of you, but I never wanted you to see me like that. Then again, I’m happy you did.

   I never asked you to stay. I always supported what you did, or said. I was just thinking about how you asked me to come over. It was raining but I walked over anyways. You didn’t believe me. So I showed up soaked. I’m in love. I just realized it. You don’t even know. I’ll wait for you to text me. I’ll leave you be, even though you probably don’t want me to. What I never told you is that I never wanted you to leave. I didn’t want to hangout with you on your last days here. I didn’t want to help you pack, or whenever your mom changed the plane ticket date it gave me a little sliver of hope each time. Honestly, I felt bad for you. I felt bad for myself, too.

   I’m not sure who was wrong: me for wanting you in the first place, or you for knowing you were leaving from the beginning and never telling me. Should I mind? School is more boring without you here. They say people can change, but I think they always stay the same. Then again, I changed a lot. Maybe I didn’t. It’s confusing for me right now.

   I just texted you. I probably shouldn’t have. I deleted the conversation. You have to text me. Why am I still talking to you willingly? I’m not sure if you’ll never understand, or if you do.      

 

   He sailed along the sea with his crew. A pirate ship was coming their way. The sailor feared they would attack, which they did. Fortunately, they spared him and brought him aboard their ship. He realized the used to be a part of their crew and used to love a girl a part of it. He joined the crew again to be with her. They were together again, after a year of parting. Leaving the mermaid forgotten.

 

 

   I told you everything today. I was not a coward. You didn’t get offended. I think I’m going to write down everything word for word. It was that… surprisingly great. Then again, it was worse than you leaving�"because we can’t be together. It breaks my heart.



© 2012 Becky Fix


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Added on March 7, 2012
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Author

Becky Fix
Becky Fix

Buffalo, NY



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16, from New York more..

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