Children of a lesser God

Something not so funny, for a change!

The pup is in a cage, it's lying on the floor

Shivering and whimpering, looking at the door

Its muzzle ‘tween its paws, the picture of distress

The woman’s eyes are brimming, she’s wringing her red dress

 

Clearly devastated, says to her companion

I can’t believe my eyes; just look at him my darlin’

How can one be so cruel? I’m really lost for words

Let’s take him home and give him the love that he deserves

 

The kitten’s in the gutter, shiv'ring from the wind

It’s obvious that it’s hungry for it can barely stand

It raised its head and meowed; it's pleading with its eyes

The man gently picked it up, held it like a prize

 

Let’s take you home my buddy. I’ll give you a hot bath

Let’s fill that little tummy and sit you by the hearth

I’ll give you all the love you need; God has ordered so

Let’s take you home and give you a place where you can grow

 

The poodle is all pampered, its nails so caref'lly done

Sitting on its owner’s lap just basking in the sun

Its birthday cake is ready; it’s sitting on the floor

The guests are happ’ly singing, the presents are galore

Kids playing with dirt, in a par'llel universe

Bombs are raining all around; death hangs like a curse

Clothes are tattered, feet are bare as they play hide and seek

Their hollow cheeks are grimy; they hardly ever speak

 

The blue-eyed girl is watching, a crust of bread in hand

A smile plays on her sweet lips; she’d like to join the band

Her momma calls her name; she’d better come inside

The sound of planes approaching; it’s dangerous outside

 

All you see around the camp are just despairing eyes

Grownups are disheartened to hear the plaintive cries

They tend to snap: “stop whining, don't be a little brat.

Who on earth d' you think you are? A pampered tiny cat?”

 

Reviews

[Lost, n'MT]

A powerful piece. Two of my favorite verses;

"Let’s take you home my buddy. I’ll give you a hot bath
Let’s fill that little tummy and sit you by the hearth
I’ll give you all the love you need; God has ordered so
Let’s take you home and give you a place where you can grow"

Very warm and touching, I greatly enjoyed how both worded and expressed this verse.

And then the power of;

"Kids playing with dirt, in a par'llel universe
Bombs are raining all around; death hangs like a curse
Clothes are tattered, feet are bare as they play hide and seek
Their hollow cheeks are grimy; they hardly ever speak"

is very powerful as it leads into the final two verses. The message of this piece speaks volume, but I feel it can be interpreted in multiple ways. I am intrigued by what I perceive to be your unique writing style, to putting your own twist one words. For instance; 'tween, shiv'ring, par'llel, d' you, etc.". I am not sure if there's a description for this, but I like it and feel it adds more to the piece. I also enjoy your rhyming style as it's subtle enough to where the rhyme complements the piece without diverting attention from the powerful message of the piece. I think was all well executed.

Also, while this isn't the particular type of piece I had in mind when I was thinking more a serious tone, I feel there can be a happy medium to where you perhaps even try "meshing" together your humorous tone with a serious tone, similar to what you had done in a "Deal With The Devil". While I find it very clever from a writing and reading perspective, I feel it also takes the reader on a roller-coaster of emotions without knowing what to expect next.

While I do love endings with a clever twist like in "Deal With the Devil", I think you could be very talented a poetry while including your own unique brand of writing. Best of luck on any new writings you pursue, I will be looking forward to reading much more.

[Woody]

thanks loads for such a thorough review, M. your glowing praise is much appreciated. but so that you do not raise your hopes too high, I must reiterate that these moments of "seriousness" are rare as I enjoy writing funny stories much more often.

[Lost, n'MT]

You're very welcome, Woody.
And yes, I am aware, and I look forward reading your funny stories.
No worries about expectations as every new piece I read from you and fellow writers is a new adventure. I cannot comment on them all, but I try to when I feel I want/need to share.

Looking forward to the funny stories and future laughs to come. : )

[Mr_M]

Suck at poetry?! What do 'they' know!?

The kids are playing in the dirt section really left me thinking. I was there in that very scene. Like the children in this paragraph I too was left speechless. Great work matey.

[Woody]

Ta very much Mr_M. I'm really humbled. glad you found this good and could relate.

[Michael G.]

I enjoyed reading this serious piece of craftsmanship. A man talented with the gift of gab usually has a lot more to say than simply a joke or two. You have proven this to be very true.

[Woody]

thank you very mucch Michael. very generous of you to say so. you know, reading meaningful and thought-provoking pieces on here would sometimes rub off on me and I find myself toying with a "grown-up" idea to show my true age. but can you really change what you are at heart? I often tell reviewers my wife's favourite rebuke: grow up! I enjoy writing humourous pieces. I guess that's my nature.
thanks again, Michael.

[Michael G.]

Mine sadly turns, walks away shaking her head. (I guess there is no hope!) But then, the great Red Skelton could make you seriously think with some serious stuff. Keep writing what strikes you. It's all good.

[NeiL ArandA]

I very much agree with Nesquam Esse. There was this photo that has been taken and posted online about a "modern day good Samaritan" who happened to took upon himself to get off his car and risked his life to stop an armada of cars and trucks and halt the traffic just because a mother duck and her little yellow ones are trying to cross the street. Oh they indeed stop and the photo hit front page heralding the bravery and heroism of this man...

The only thing wrong and twisted with the photo and news is that I wish they would do it on " people ". And I bet you if you try to help a homeless and helpless people on the street. You won't get this kind of publicity and celebrity treatment. Let alone be referred to as a "hero" ...

I would still say ..Wow and well done with the concept of this piece.

[Woody]

thank you very much indeed, Neil. and I do agree with you wholeheartedly. I love animals an awful lot but as you said, I wish more was done for our fellow men. I particularly ache for innocent little children. I believe I've seen that photo of the ducklings. very touching. I have great admiration for people like that.
thanks again for taking the time and commenting.

[Will Neill]

Woody, you were right. Deadly serious. I think you should do this more often.
Nice work.
Will

[Woody]

thank you, Will but you know as well as I do that the tiger does not change its stripes. (I hate leopards. I was bitten by one when I was a small boy). tell you the truth, I'm baffled where this one came from!

[Beccy]

A heart rending indictment of how we so often ignore what really matters. You should write like this more often.

Beccy.

[Woody]

thanks a lot Dear. I'll certainly try.

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

You are incorrect about sucking at poetry. This is an amazing heart wrenching story of kindness in a war torn atmosphere, expressed in a poetic phrasing. There are powerful emotions expressed here, and wisdom shines throughout.

[Woody]

I am humbled by your praise, Val. I need to gain more confidence in myself. thank you.

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

My poem, "The Secret of Being Poetic" suggests,the best way is to be yourself and say what is in your heart. The rest is window dressing.

[Nusquam Esse]

Wow, such powerful images! The juxtaposition between how people treat animals, while neglecting their fellow man (to be fair, animals are neglected too) is powerful; as I flowed from one stanza to the next I was wondering where you were going to take it! The rhyme is solid on this one; the only issue I can see is a few lines that don't fit to a meter very well. Most of the lines have roughly thirteen syllables, give or take, but a few are too short, so they throw off the beat. Go through and see if you can't get the lines in the poem to be within a syllable or so from each other. Great write, especially for someone who is not a native speaker!

[Woody]

much appreciated Nusquam. yes I know. the meter, the scan, the number of syllables. aye, there's the rub. but I think I see where the problem is. I'll go through it again.

[Woody]

Done! I hope it scans better now. (12 and 13 syllables)

[Vidya Bacchus]

The reality of today's world fairly boggles the mind sometimes.It is amazing to see what is considered top priority to us fickle humans.Excellent pen my friend I see you can be serious on occasion like myself but mind you very rare occasion :)

[Woody]

well many thanks m'lady. actually, I've written a few "serious" pieces along the years. I tried everything, romance, horror, intrigue, you name it. but I don't consider them worthy of posting. and I enjoy writing funny stuff quite a lot.

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome Sir Woody.I am sure all your writing is excellent :)

[Baby Ricochet]

devastatingly beautiful. .........................

[Woody]

oh my! I've been dreading your visit, BR. you, sami, david, jacob are giants, to me. I am most humbled thank you very much.