night

a rhymed version of Marie's free verse of the same title

The balmy night has tiptoed in

Gently nudging off the day

Its quarter of lime in sequins

Reigning on indigo bay

Studded with diamond seeds

On a black flowering spray 

Author's Note

Marie wanted me to post this but I'm not sure about the rhythm and the scan and all that jazz.

Reviews

[Amy Rose]

Very beautiful, also nicely put together. Magnificent poem, you're a great poet. Keep it up Woody, I can't stop reading your poems. My favorite line was "Its quarter of lime in sequins" It has a great flow, you should definitely write more poems, congrats :)

[Woody]

thank you so much Dear. I'm super glad you liked it :)

[Beccy]

Whenever I write a poem, it almost always starts with a scribbled line or two on a notebook I keep with me constantly. All sorts of random things trigger my thoughts and from there the poem just seems to expand. I sometimes tweak a word or two, but mostly I hardly at all change what I have written. I'm forever scribbling stuff and furtunately for me most of my family and friends are quite tolerant, (and quietly amused,) when I suddenly reach into my bag and grab my notebook.

[Woody]

it seems to me that this is a clear sign that you are a true poet.
the same happens to me but with ideas for a story or a crack at humour or a play on words.

[Beccy]

You are! I think there is poetry inside most people. As for form, much better to simply write what we see in our imagination.

Beccy.

[Woody]

thank you for trying to boost my confidence, Beccy. if only I could bring myself to write free verse or stream of consciousness or whatever. trouble is I know I'm a stick in the mud.

[Beccy]

What a wonderful and imaginative description of the night. The quarter moon, the stars casting their light across a beautiful indigo bay. I just love this Woody.

Beccy.

[Woody]

aww Beccy, you're much too kind. I'm walking on thin ice, here. there's a risk I'm going to end up believing I'm a poet.

[Alfred Kukitz]

The poem has a nice originality, the night has tiptoed. I can see this huge darkness quietly walking around the bay. Nice work!

[Woody]

much appreciated Alfred. "huge" makes me want to change "tiptoed" into "lumbered" :)

[Alfred Kukitz]

Well Woody day is big you might want night to muscle up!

[Matching Socks]

Very nice Woody! You're totally a poet!

[Woody]

told you you were too sweet, didn't I? ok then.

[Matching Socks]

Awww. :)
xx

[Frieda P]

I hardly ever follow rules and all that jazz, the free flow of this combined with the imagery is awesomesauce....quarter to lime in sequins and indigo bay, my nights are apparently cheating me out of this exquisite view!

[Woody]

my my, I'm most appreciative, Dear. coming from you, this is humongous praise.
you want to see that kind of sky? why don't you come to Tunisia? the night sky in the south is really something to behold. what d'you say? next holiday? this is an open invitation.

[Frieda P]

Well deserved, it's not easy to get an affecting piece with so few words...sounds utterly lovely, will you take me on safari? :)

[Woody]

you bet! we'll camp on the sand dunes, ride on camelback, climb palm trees and pluck sweet fat dates. think about it :)

[Frieda P]

Geez I haven't climbed a tree in years, dates sound good though, I hear camels are nasty critters, make sure it's a friendly one. ;)

[Woody]

Camels nasty?? This is the first time I hear this. they're so gentle, trusting and obedient creatures. I kid you not. they're almost as nice as me.

[Frieda P]

I don't know, I guess you can't believe everything you read, but I hear they spit a lot, nasty habit...and a pet camel in Australia killed the owner, I think that's cause for hesitation....

[Woody]

ok this is what I think. llamas spit, not camels. not Tunisian camels anyway. and yes I've heard of camels killing their owners. I've heard plenty stories about how camels can be spiteful and never forget mistreatment. I do believe that. on the other hand, treat them right and they're like putty in your hand.

[Frieda P]

I doubt they come with signs that say they're the ones holding the grudge though. haha

[Woody]

point taken. ok drop the camels. we'll try Marlboro. (ugh, horrible joke!)

[Elwyn]

Ah, so this is the other half to Marie's work! Both of you are stunning poets and I cannot be partial to either. But I do appreciate your different styles! I like your personification of the night tiptoeing in and your rhyme scheme is flawless. And the description of the night sky as a "black flowering spray" will certainly stick with me. Bravo.

[Woody]

aww sweet of you to say so, Elwyn. glad you like it. I firmly believe that Marie is a much better poet than I am. but I'm learning :)

[Tom]

The imagery is expressive and very atmospherically alluring, splendid Woody !

[Woody]

kind of you to say so, Sir. truth be told, if it's not humourous, I feel like a fish out of water.

[Tom]

Touché here too Woody !

[just Penny]

I was surprised this says it's a story as to me it reads like a poem. I like the image of "an indigo bay studded with diamond seeds". This is a lovely write, whatever label it may wear :) Penny

[Woody]

thank you, Dear. I never noticed it was labelled story (!) I'll fix that.