Broken Before It Began

Crumble this white stone and scatter the dust

Rebuild in black and mourn my loss

You drove me away with deceitful stares

Breaking my heart before it began

 

Stare back through a haze of tears

Only to see the destruction in your wake

I freed myself before you could bury me

 

Break away from the curse that is you

You became the air I breathed yet

It tasted like poison; choking me inside

Drowning; fantastic lies engulf my soul

 

I found which way was up, to find you

Had dragged me below the surface

Trying to overwhelm me in your ‘love’

 

I kept my heart and locked it away

Yet I know it was you who broke it

Left hidden in a veil of deceit and tears

You broke and left me before it began....

 

Reviews

[Rie Sheridan Rose]

I agree with Gary. The italics at the end dilute the poem, which has a rock-solid powerful ending with "You broke and left me...". Couple of proofreading things I think you will find if you read it aloud (like your for you're in the italics -- but leaving them off would fix that too) Good beginning to a strong piece. Well done!

[EGabriellS]

I like this poem. It describes feelings that I have had far to often.

[Gary H]

I enjoyed this as I could see a picture in my mind of what you were getting at. I think maybe the italic ending would be better written as an explanation rather than in poetic form. This would add to the poem as an explanation rather than be part of it.
Nice work.