Chapter 1

I work at a day camp for preschoolers. Camp-counselor by day, college-student-on-summer-vacation always.  I was sitting at the picnic table with her (and our other co-workers, although she’s the only one I can truly put a face to right now) on our lunch break on Wednesday. She was talking about her boyfriend Bryan and how they were thinking of getting a place together.

“Hey, Eva, how would you like to share the rent with us?” Jen asked.

I chuckled, not quite sure if the offer was sincere.

“Come on! It’s better than living with your parents!”

How could I argue with that? Being nineteen and living at home is not ideal, but I didn’t make a whole lot of money since college loans and textbook fees filled my plate higher than I could manage.

“I dunno, I guess I’d have to think it over.”  I honestly didn’t think I could swing it, but I didn’t want to disregard the notion altogether.

 

That night I had the oddest dream about living in this house with Jen and her boyfriend. I was walking out of my bedroom and Jen just happened to walk past me in her towel, her long tan legs still covered in droplets of water from her shower.

I woke up feeling somewhat embarrassed, confused, yet surprisingly excited.  And that’s when I knew I could not move in with her.

 

Sunlight sparkled as it reflected itself onto her hair from her car mirror. We both left work at about the same time every day, and this Friday was no different.

“So, Eva, what are you doing this weekend?” Jen questioned.

I scrunched my nose, my face’s momentary disfigurement admitting the fact that I was truly thinking this over. “Nothing, I guess.” All that thinking and that’s the best that I could come up with?

“Well, maybe we can get together? I thought since we hang out at work a lot…” Jen stammered timidly. Her shyness is so cute.

“Sure!” I offered, almost too quickly. Wait, did I just say Jen is cute? I suddenly felt my cheeks turning an embarrassing shade of pink.

“Okay, what’s your number?” Jen asked, interrupting my thoughts as she swiped her phone screen.

Saturday night I received a text from Jen.

Jen: Hey, Eva.

Me: Hi.

Jen: What r u up to?

Me: Nothin.

Jen: Oh.

Three minutes pass as I stare at my phone, deciding what to type as the cursor blinks on the screen.

Jen: Did you still want to hang out tonight?

Me: I guess.

I guess? I was actually a lot more anxious than that. We discussed the details about time and place to meet.

Jen picked me up at nine. I had spent a good ten minutes in front of my mirror getting my mascara just so. I hurried out the door to Jen’s car when I heard the horn before anyone chased her down and invited her in. My family was embarrassing enough without having to meet someone I work with.

“Oh, you look nice,” Jen admitted, not as matter-of-factly as she should have. Maybe I was just reading too much into it. Wishful thinking, right?

I looked down at my breasts, which were halfway out of my extremely low-cut tank top. Had I planned that? Maybe I had put way too much thought into my apparel choice for the night.

“Oh, thank you,” I grinned. Okay, I’d better stop before I scare her.

We arrived at Athena’s, a nightclub I had never been to. She admitted being here once before with a friend. Jen and I didn’t really know anyone else at the club tonight so we were just mingling a bit while we sipped our first drink, trying to warm up the night. A couple of guys eventually came over to us when we were a few drinks closer to fucked and we ended up on the dance floor with them. All four of us were getting really close, and despite the extremely loud music, everything seemed muffled and much quieter than it should. I had to lean in to talk to Jen about the guys and the song I’m not even sure I know is playing. Then I needed another drink and headed over to the bar where I flirt with the bartender. This warrants me a free drink with the flash of my smile. By the time I head back over to Jen, its as if she and her guy have gotten even closer. I wasn’t sure that was even possible. And my guy seems to have disappeared. Looking at Jen and this random dude dancing together makes me somewhat jealous. Is it because my guy has gone MIA? It couldn’t be any other reason, could it?

I stagger over to Jen and her guy, leaning on her for support. I guess this last drink had really done me in. Jen doesn’t seem to mind my leaning on her and she leans even closer and whispers her question in my ear, “Are you okay, Eva?”

I laugh, more than I need to, and half-trip over her toes. She holds her hands out to steady me, pushing her guy a little further away than he wanted to be. I lean closer, half-bumping her in the face and whispering in her ear, “I want you.”

It doesn’t even register at first what I’ve admitted, and in the next moment I am laughing hysterically, and then not so much as the dance floor begins spinning faster than my toes will carry me.

Jen doesn’t seem as disgusted or surprised as she probably should, although my judgment isn’t up to par currently. She just seems calm.  I accidentally (maybe?) lean into her again and start kissing around her ear.  

After what seems like 20 minutes, but is probably more like 20 seconds, I stumble out the door of Athena’s, holding onto Jen’s arm for dear life. I’m glad she’s decided to drive tonight, as I can barely make my way through the parking lot to her car. She starts driving home, which is about a half an hour drive, when I really dig myself into a hole. The alcohol is really pulling one over on me and it’s apparent all inhibitions were left back at the club. I reach over to Jen and tickle her jean-covered thigh with my fingertips lightly, but just enough to turn her attention from the road to face me, her astonished expression making me instantly regret that last drink back at the club.

I pull my hand away quickly before she has a chance to say anything that would make this situation all too real. Maybe it was just an accident? I turn my glance toward the road just before she does. Maybe this whole “hanging out outside of work” thing wasn’t such a good idea.

Through the silence, Jen’s voice quivered, “Did you really mean what you said to me in there?”

“Hmm?” It was more of an instinctive response; I had heard what she’d said. Hung onto every word. It still echoed in my ears.

She paused and bit her lip. “What you said, when we were dancing.” She looked at me, her eyes almost sad. Now whispering, her voice almost catching, “Did you mean it?”

I shrugged, another automatic reply. My stomach fluttered a bit. Was I queasy from the alcohol or from my nerves? I looked back at the road in silence for a minute that seemed like hours. I gulped, getting up the nerve for my next confession, “I think about you at night when I’m in bed.”  In my peripheral, I saw her immediately turn to face me, her eyes taking a break from the road again. I suddenly wished that I hadn’t gotten up the nerve for that one. Damn vodka!

Jen didn’t say anything. I waited, hanging on to the silence.

After what seemed like forever, she turned her attention back to the road, pressing her lips tighter together. I sat in silence for what seemed like an infinite amount of time, waiting for her to speak the words she seemed to keep locked inside.

“Can I kiss you?” Apparently it was me who would break the silence yet again. And this time I was already looking at her when she turned to face me.

“What?” she questioned, though I was certain that she had heard me loud and clear. Did I really have the nerve to repeat that? I didn’t say anything, biding a few seconds of time until she replied, “Not while I’m driving.”

“What?” Now it was I who was suffering from selective hearing.

“Wait until we stop,” was her reply. Perfect, I thought, as we were approaching a red light. Jen slowed her vehicle until we were at a complete standstill. Jen turned to face me, a grin occupying her face, as the red glow suddenly turned green. “Oops, I guess we’ll have to wait.” She smiled as she shifted from the brake to the gas. She had long turned her attention back to the road, but I still had my eyes glued to her, my mouth wide open. Was she flirting with me? And was she serious about this kiss? And damn traffic light!

She glanced back at me, the grin still pasted on her. I turned my attention back to the road at this point, attempting to seem disinterested.

This went on for the remainder of the car ride home. Somehow we managed to avoid all red traffic lights. Lucky me., but I’m sure it was for the better. When Jen pulled up to my house, she got out of the car, but left it running. Not a good sign for me. I exited the vehicle and walked around to her side of the car, draping my arms around her shoulders for support. I’m a lot shorter than her, so my face barely met her neck. She wrapped her arms around my waist and whispered in my ear, “I think you should go inside. We can talk tomorrow.” I instinctively pop out my lower lip in a pout, the alcohol still coursing through my veins.

“I want you to stay with me,” I half-whine. I hate how clingy I become when I drink, but I’m so turned on and I don’t think she’s as turned off as she should be.

“I want to stay with you, too, and that’s why I should go.” She paused to kiss my forehead softly. “Get some sleep.”

My lips pressed tightly together in agitation, I walked past her and staggered up the stairs and into the house. I made it to my room without stumbling and stripped off my clothes before falling onto my bed. The world spins around me. It’s the middle of the night and I’m drenched in vodka and fantasy. I don’t want to close my eyes, too afraid to face the light of day and the reality that comes with it.

Author's Note

This was originally written June 23 - July 24, 2010. This is based on true events and therefore names of characters and places have been changed to protect those involved.