Hallies Story

Hallies Story

A Story by Evil_Angel

A story of confusion.


Hallie's Story
by Greta

Hallie steadily opened her heavy eyes into the blue morning twilight that
shone through her window. She felt something heavy wrapped around
the small of her back. Whose arms was she in this time? She turned
over to caress the smooth and muscular figure, and as the tingling
sensation spread throughout her body didn’t have to look at his face to
know it wasn’t her fiancé that lay next to her. Last night began coming
back to her, the dancing, the passion, the feelings …and the hiding.

Hallie looked upon Christians sleeping face. She clasped his hand to
her heart. She couldn’t believe she had known him almost 20 years now,
her childhood sweetheart. They had been through so much, especially
the past few months. He had been in her life ever since she could
remember. And also out of it. He was always the one she ran back to,
but he had commitment issues so it was a constant on and off ordeal. It
was the story of her life, their lives.

He looked so innocent when he slept, which was ironic knowing the
things she did with him last night. She started to reminisce about the
pounding of the music. The pounding of their bodies against one
another in the dark shadows of the nightclub… the sly smirk that had
formed on her face quickly disappeared when she realized she had
better check to see if she had any missed calls.

She raced to pull the cell phone off the charger: Three missed calls, all
from David. She clutched the cell to her ear and raced into the bathroom
to listen to her voicemail. Her fiancés steady yet suspecting voice
immediately entered her ear: “Hey babe, just seein’ what you’re up to,
you said you’d call last night…you must have been having fun.…Anyway
call me before you start your drive back up here. I hope you and your
sister had a good time, I’m dyin’ to see ya. Love you Hal.”

It wasn’t that she was a heartless b***h, she felt guilty knowing damn
well it was wrong that she completely lied to him. She felt guilty not only
for cheating on David, but for sleeping with the man who was also his
greatest rival. Christian and David went back since high school. Always
competing against each other whether it was sports, career, women... it
was a game among them. The two were such polar opposites she
couldn’t believe she was in love with both of them.

David came from a wealthy family. He was successful, stable,
handsome, and would make the perfect husband to any girl. But he had
chosen her because they were exactly the same. The same meaning
they both came from wealthy families that could only associate with other
wealthy families. Hallie’s daddy wouldn’t dream of letting her marry

Christian had been an orphan since he was seven years old. He grew
up moving from place to place, a real troubled kid. Because of this
Christian had problems trusting people, even her. They could never
make a relationship work. It didn’t help that Hallie’s parents constantly
frowned upon him any chance they got. They even went so far as to
nickname him “street rat” and had been proudly calling him that to his
face since he was a child.

But despite his turbulent life Christian had blossomed into something
beautiful. He was a gifted and successful artist and was the fantasy of
any girl he saw. While he didn’t make enough money to impress Hallie’s
stuck up family, he had always been enough to impress her. Whenever
she was with him it was always exciting, a relief from her stifled life of
yachting and taunting the poor.

Suddenly Hallie heard the springs in Christians cheap bed squeaking
as he stirred in his sleep. She wondered if he was having another
nightmare. She crept into his room softly, his back was to her. He
harshly turned over and then again, shakily mumbling incomprehensible
words. Yes definitely a nightmare.

She carefully laid herself down by his side. He had a tendency to
accidentally smack her during one of his nightmares. She raised the
back of her hand gently smoothing his golden sweat-drenched hair. She
whispered soothingly into his ear, “Christian shhh honey I’m here. It’s me

He quickly opened his brilliant blue eyes. They were still wide with fear.
A few tears spilled out of them. She continued to comfort him resting her
head onto his bare chest she said, “Yes it’s me sweetheart, no one here
to hurt you.” He looked around realizing he was awake.

“Hallie..? Hallie I’m sorry…s**t...” He swiftly rose, pushing her head off
him and rushed to the bathroom. He proceeded to the sink and washed
his face with cold water. Hallie followed after him and watched him
closely. His chest was heaving so forcefully. This must have been a bad

“Honey are you alright?” she asked concerned rubbing his gorgeous
back. “I’m fine”, he said rising up to look at himself in the mirror. He
gained control of himself and stopped crying. “What time is it?”, he
asked wearily. She checked her phone remembering she was
supposed to meet David for breakfast at 9am. “It’s 7:54”, she replied,
her voice frantic. It took at least an hour to drive from Christian’s house
to see David.

Christian sensed the worry in her voice. Insulted, he turned around to
look at her, his glare searing into her and threw her hand off his back. He
quickly went back to the bedroom. She knew what was coming and she
didn’t want to face it, didn’t want to hurt him again.

By the time Hallie came back in the room Christian already had her
bag open on the bed. He was rushing around picking up her things she
had packed for the weekend and stuffed them into the duffle bag.

“Christian, stop what are you doing?” Hallie asked. His face was red as
if the tears might start again.

“I’m packing up your clothes David is expecting you isn’t he? You better
get out of this s**t hole.” He said, his voice trembling.

She sighed. She knew that to him she was just another person to hurt
him, to leave him.

“I love you Christian, so much,” pleaded Hallie.

“Then tell him”, he sternly replied.

“I can’t yet.”

“Then get the f**k out of my house.”

She looked down at her feet, ashamed. She was sick of having him on
the side but she couldn’t do anything about it yet. She didn’t want to start
a fight between David and Christian that could get ugly.

She gathered the rest of her belongings and headed to the car.
Christian tossed her bag into the back seat.

It was hard for Hallie to look at him, but she slowly raised her eyes and
whispered, “I’m sorry, we’ll work this out soon I swear”.

He shook his head as she got into the car. “Just go” he said as he
rolled his eyes.

He slammed the door hard and simply went back inside. She knew she
couldn’t say or do anything else so she just drove. She knew the drive
would clear her head.

As she stared down the long road ahead of her she thought about
David, she thought about her family and how they would disown her if
she even thought about marrying Christian. Then she thought about
Christian when he was a boy. She tried to remember what Christian’s
parents looked like. She hadn’t seen them since she was very young.
She remembered how kind they were. Warm tears suddenly soaked her

“What am I doing to this poor guy?” Hallie thought as she sobbed.
Through her tears the road was starting to get blurry.

She wiped them away and gained control of herself so she could drive
properly. She jumped as she heard the familiar tune of her cell phone.
She reached back to grab it she knew who it would be, and it was so not
who she wanted it to be.

“Babe! You drivin’? Still comin’ over for breakfast right?”

“Right”, she replied to her fiancé trying to hide that she had been crying.

“Ok well I’ll get off the phone and let you drive. See ya soon hun. I love
you”, David said in almost a question. There was a long pause. “Babe?”
he asked.

She tried to say the words back but they wouldn’t come out. This just
wasn’t the right person. He could hear her breathing.

“I love you…” he said annoyed. “Nothing?” he asked now angry.

Hallie panicked and hung up. She couldn’t believe what she had just
done. She figured she could just tell him the phone cut out. Damn she’d
become such the little liar throughout this whole secret. She needed to
stop though. She hadn’t told one person about this affair she had going
with Christian.

If she couldn’t tell her friends or family how could she tell David? What
was she to say? David I am sleeping with my ex boyfriend Christian, the
man you hate the most. Maybe she could go on Jerry Springer and
break it to everyone.

She hated herself for not having the courage. Did that mean she would
end up marrying David? She looked at the rock on her finger. It was so
beautiful, and looking at it she realized David wasn’t half the man
Christian was. She knew who she really loved deep inside as she saw
Christian’s angel face inside the ring David had given her. And she was
killing him. She was killing both of them.

Again she stared at the long road ahead of her, and what a long road it
was. It felt like she hadn’t moved at all. She turned on her car radio and
sang along to the songs she knew. How could she sing with what was
going on? She quickly shut it off and continued to stare at the road.

It was so endless, no signs no hints. She looked out her side window.
The sun danced across the blue ocean as she drove. She noticed how
the sun made the ocean’s blue color appear so bright. Christian’s
gorgeous face floated into her mind. She smiled. He surrounded her.
And one day she would shine upon him and make him whole again. She
didn’t know when or how she would sort out this mess, but she kept
driving the long road ahead of her, and he was with her the whole way.































© 2008 Evil_Angel

Author's Note

Looking forward to any feedback you may have for me. I plan to elaborate on this story and create more complexity in the characters.

My Review

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Featured Review

The characters are fine for now, send me a message if you want me to point out some of the more obvious grammar errors.
I think the clich� factor is rising. I'm not a huge romance reader, but most of the romance I have read the woman always goes for the poor man, the guy they love more. See if you can lead us somewhere else. Somewhere new.

Posted 11 Years Ago

6 of 6 people found this review constructive.


You missed a lot of commas and punctuation in this piece, I noticed. It really takes away from what otherwise would have been a great plot line. I would copy and paste everything to show you where you messed up, but something's up with my keyboard right now.

I honestly don't see why she's that stupid. I mean, it seems as if David should talk like he's upperclass, because he is, yet he talks like a...well, like Christian should have. A country boy street rat. Trash. He's got the "Comin'" things going on and that really just took away from his character. I think he should speak properly if he's really that rich and crap.

I felt so bad for Christian in the end, and I really have nothing else to say except that she should get off her high horse and stay with him. If you plan to revise this, tell me so I can reread it again.

Posted 8 Years Ago

This was a great write....well worth elaborating on the characters
and turning this into a more intriguing story that it already turning out
to be. I would love to know what happens next! Thank you for
submitting this to my contest even though it was over the word
limit! lol. Good job! ~ Helena

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Its cheating to both of the guys��anyway you have done justice with the story�..
Good job�

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

more more more i want to read more its all great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Why did Hallie insult Christian about his cheap bed springs? If you ask me, she really does not know the first thing about love, she just wants the best of both of them, David and Christian, and doesn't really care a damn!

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Please elaborate, I feel like I have watched a to be continued episode on tv. One I really got into and can't wait to see the second half.

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

more more more! thats all I can tell. I want more!

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Good story line, totally believable characters, good imagery, realism, and just in general, I liked the whole thing very much. I liked the Christmas part of this story that you entered in my contest, too. If you have more of this story now, more chapters, or whatever, will you please let me know? I would very much like to continue reading this.

Great write!

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I found this interesting. A good story with a lot of good conflict, but I do agree that the cliche factor is rising. Every girl goes with the poor sad guy with all the issues. For once I think they should learn to love out of a sense of duty and intelligence. It may not sound too romantic, but I believe it can be, if it's done right. But just a suggestion! Other than that, yes, the story was written well and sucked me in. It has great potential. Good job! Flora.

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I REALLY enjoyed reading this. The flavour of the 'forbidden love' between Hallie and Christian has been captured so brilliantly. You've really done a great job with this story!!


P.S. Good luck in my contest =)

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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34 Reviews
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on February 16, 2008
Last Updated on March 20, 2008



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