Dig Deep

This poem is one of the most personal works I've ever written. It details my struggle with the truths about myself, which I was confronted with during the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic.

She sees the mangled branches

menacingly twisting

into a jumble of shame

she pats the trunk

thick and full

not what she anticipated

it seems shallowly planted

with only a couple tugs 

it could be lifted and thrown

away

but after years of snapping off twigs

and only some thick branches

she understands

the real problem

this tree is still standing

never wavering to the wind

she tries to wrap her arms around it and pull 

but to no avail

it is too heavy

she tries snapping off the branches

but they are all

intertwined like necklaces

tied together into a ball of 

confusion

which one to even start with?

let alone how to snap off the branch

if it's twisting into a giant mess?

she sits and stares at the monstrosity this tree

is

she grabs a shovel and begins to dig 

under the ground to see if 

she can disconnect it from there

she digs for what seems 

years

and she is now confronted with the realization

that there are thick roots spreading out

in different directions and each one 

connected to a nerve inside of her

the memories being dug up begin to sting and now lead

to bleeding and wretched pain

blood seeps out from the roots as she pulls on them

even just staring at them makes her feel a deep ache 

within

like a splinter 

deeply rooted in her flesh

so is the tree

heavily rooted in shame and pain

heartache and sin

how will she ever dig up the tree?

How will she ever untangle the roots 

and remove them from the ground 

of her heart

Where Will she even start?

How Will She do it?

Can She Figure It out?

Is She Strong Enough?

Can she DO IT?

WILL she DO IT?

she doesn't know.

But

God does.

Author's Note

i used the capitalization as a way of expressing the mounting pressure and panic of these questions being asked and how each one starts to overwhelm the girl--how they seem greater than her. However, I let the "But" near the end, be that way of saying hope is greater than those fears of failure.