Hold on

Hold on

A Poem by Farhan Shaikh

He's been holding on
Though this road is so long,
Got himself book and a pen
Writing it into the song.

His eyelashes dropping
And his tears were freezing,
And he still kept moving
Shaking the dust from his feet.

He knows he is broken down
And that's how the light gets in
prevent himself from falling in the chasm
When sunrise will hit his skin

As he was walking in the open prison
A prison of the mind
As he was sitting in the dark
And seeing the world's lightning

© 2018 Farhan Shaikh


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Reviews

Like the concept of this person being on a journey. His challenges along the way provide imagery for the reader. We mostly see our self in one's poem. Well done.
Blessings,
Richie b.

Posted 10 Months Ago


Wow this was a fine piece of poem!

Posted 1 Year Ago


I didn't get the rhyming pattern, but I liked the descriptive nature of it. Although I was confused by where exactly he is, in a prison, near a chasm, in some cold tundra? I feel like this has some good potential it just needs a little polish.

Posted 1 Year Ago


This is okay, I would avoid setting a rhyme scheme in the first stanza and breaking it repeatedly in your other stanzas. Also, there are a lot of weird verb tenses and missing pronouns and helping verbs that I'd touch up on. Good effort.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Hmm... Nice .. I liked it!

Posted 1 Year Ago


good start and good imagery, I like the images you produced in this piece. The free verse feel reflects struggles and efforts to make the world better even though the light is dim on the candlestick. The wax maybe melting in some degree of torture and burn, but it is still a heavy emotion that shares overcoming fear and making your soul brighter. Good job! I hope to hear more from you and read some more of your pushing works.

Posted 1 Year Ago


I like your imagery.

I think the third stanza is really interesting, but lines 1 and 3 of this stanza seem a bit confusing with “He know he”. I think you maybe meant “he knows he”. And then line three “prevent himself falling from the chasm” should perhaps be “prevent himself from falling in the chasm”.

I really like lines 2 and 4 of this stanza and think they work well together.

I enjoyed reading!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

Thank you, made the changes..😄
H L Rose

1 Year Ago

I’m glad I could help!
I am going through your work after long. Must say that you have come a long way since then as a poet.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

Thank you Avinash, means a lot
deep write my friend,this could be any of us i guess

Posted 1 Year Ago


Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

Thank you Mr. Wordman.
This could be actually
 wordman

1 Year Ago

you`re welcome
This is very imaginative! At every turn, I could not imagine where this road was taking me. I love the way you touch on familiar ideas, but then you take it in an unexpected direction each time: "he's broken down, that's how the light gets in" . . . and "eyelashes dropping . . . shaking the dust from his feet." At the end, you open up your message to express all the ways we humans imprison ourselves & each other. Sometimes life itself is an exercise in "holding on"! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Year Ago


Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

Thanks for taking out your precious time for my work😄

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Added on July 7, 2018
Last Updated on August 17, 2018

Author

Farhan Shaikh
Farhan Shaikh

Mumbai, India



About
18, student. Slytherin. Earthling. In case you don't know, I'm a weirdo, I don't fit in, I don't wanna fit in... Follow me on Instagram @farhanshyk02 more..

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You You

A Poem by Farhan Shaikh



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