New Life

With death there is rebirth
Returning to the earth
Once more a seeing the light of dawn
An image of perfection freshly drawn
And as my hope grows strong
In this new place where I belong
I lay my head to rest
Knowing this life will be my best

Reviews

[Aethereal]

Here again you have a great theme, but none of the flow that meter would bring: I rewrote your poem with 0/1/0/1/0/1 six syllable meter: 1 = accent; 0 = non-accent.

New Life

With death there is rebirth,
returning to the earth.
Once more I greet the dawn,
an image freshly drawn
as all my hopes grow strong
right here where I belong.
I lay my head to rest
since I have done my best.

[FireFox9]

Thank you I planned to change it later but I'll only use part of this.

[Aethereal]

You're welcome! I wrote this to show you the power of classical meter. What you do with this power is your prerogative. Use any part or all of this if you wish. I'd like to read your creation when you're finished. Try to sing your poem whereby you take note of where the accents rise and fall in order to discover its flow pattern. Never force a rhyme. Try to use exact rhymes. Try not to use the same rhyme word more than once in a given poem unless it’s part of a repeated line. Try not to mix singular rhyming sounds with plural rhyming sounds. Your poem should make logical sense. Overlapping rhymes are better than couplets, but couplets are acceptable. Quatrains look the best, but not always. Allow poetic license where it fits in to the context of the poem, but never otherwise.

[Nusquam Esse]

Great advice here, I was looking over some of your poetry, and completely agree with this. Good themes and ideas, but meter would improve it all so much. Even if it doesn't strictly conform to say 'iambic pentameter' it would be a good idea to at least keep syllables within one or two of each other between lines, it will keep sentences from hanging awkwardly. Flow is very important with this style of poetry, so don't discount the impact that meter can have. Oh, and the bit about forced rhymes; extremely good advice. A solid choice of rhyme would be one in which the reader cannot tell which was the 'original' rhyme; where both are so solid and true that neither stands out over the other.

[FireFox9]

I'm trying to do things my own way and when I write I just let the words flow. After I'm finished I go back and add some quick adjustments, but that's about it. I let things just happen and poems will be written in the way I want them to be in the end.

[Aethereal]

We tend to want only what we have the ability to do, but what we do isn't always what others enjoy. We always improve on our ability to do things when we try to go beyond the limit of our abilities. As the bar gets higher and higher, we get better and better, but it isn't easy.

[FireFox9]

Very poetic my good sir. :)

[Aethereal]

You're welcome!