All in All Part - 1

When you try too hard, you get hurt. Dont put your all into everything

Suffering from anger with a heart fill of sorrow

If I never had feelings then I wouldn't want to barrow

Whats done is done, theres nothing that I can do

I'm always a good person, I always remained true

We stood side by side, but my focus was on you

I thaught you were for me, maybe I just couldn't see

the pain stirred up from the game

It slowly pumps your heart up, then tears it down like cane

Mother f**k love your son has got brains

Who needs a heart when theres strength in pain

When it needs to heal

I've lost strenght to love

and gained more of whats real

Reviews

[S. Michael Long]

4th stanza, should be more reserved, maybe, "i tried to remain true" (there is no evidence in circumstance to the reader) (same goes with I am always a good person, try to remove the YOU in the line or try to subdue it) try to explain what "the game" is, (i know what it is but other readers wont its too new for most or to current) I LOVE, I LOVE, the 8th stanza, i don't know if you intended it, but it relates to struggle.. (the tearing down of cane) Refine, the 9th make it clear.. its subdued with hate to the reader, the 9th is a great line, just refine it more.. make it stupid for the benefit of the reader, I might add, to the tenth, (when there is strength in MY pain) Pretty good stuff~ no, Pretty Great Stuff, keep up the good work my friend! -s

[S. Michael Long]

so maybe, "suffering with anger, and a heart FULL of sorrow..

[S. Michael Long]

also, nobody suffers "FROM" anger, WE all suffer "WITH" it.. just a thought.. this is a really really amazing write.. you will go places with purpose like this... keep it up! -s

[Anonymous Me]

i know this wasn't supposed to but it made me laugh. Thank you....Oh and not in a bad way. it's very good :)

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

I like those last two lines, they tie the whole poem together with the many feelings through out it.

Correction:
strength
"I've lost strenght to love"

[Aella.lives]

Very realistic, and nicely put. :)

[Who Cares]

Your words are powerful and beautiful. I have to say I think this is one of my favorites written by you. Great job.

[AK]

Wow! Very nice:)