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Overwhelming thoughts of a young girl , spoken from the heart.,

Hush said this pretty girl looking in the mirror trying to hide all her thoughts and all her fears.. trying to figure it all out... Everyone's telling her who she is , is who she's not meant to be. Falling face first into a new kinda world were nothing means what you think it means , its all upside down and turned around.. and all these rules you slaved to live by is you becoming exactly what you never wanted to be. Angels are crawling on there knees and demons are hovering over me. never ashamed of the mistakes i make. never ashamed of everything that makes me weak, cause thats what makes me, me.. if you looked in my top drawer you'd think I was addicted to codeine , if you Looked at my arms you'd think I was addicted to self harming, but if you looked in my heart you'd KNOW I'm addicted to this girl.. This girl who's slowing destroying me...
I sit here and scream, scream myself to a soundless sleep, fighting each tear only to drown in a sea of salty water all around me. But.. But.. how can I still breath? how can I still see? Oh how can I feel every drop falling as if it was a knife cutting into me, cutting deeper and deeper once then twice turns into just three more time.. but once its started it can never be stopped.. I hate to admit I enjoy the pain it brings me. Id hate to admit its the best kinda feeling.. I hate to admit that the world I live in isn't a world you believe in. It's like living in a star, a star the seems so pretty.. a star that shines so heavenly.. But your burning.. the whole time burning to be something that no one has ever wanted to be , knowing that no one will ever understand You.. Knowing that Your exactly what everyone hates but still You want.. You NEED to be exactly that. Cause it's your.. destiny.