Awakening

A Chapter by G.E.M.

This is a existentialist story thats based on my life. Be aware that english is not my first language. I would love to gather some constructive criticisms about my work. It's basically a draft now.

TIME IS GOING

I'm looking for my clock to let me know if I'm alive. Am I the only one who stresses for this mundane action? It's strapped to my left arm twenty four hours a day, just to remind myself that my time has gone by and this way not lose a single moment in my life. Yet, I don't want to know why my time passes or why it doesn't cease to be at this very moment.

I'm so aware of it.

It would be ridiculous for me to look at the second hand through the 24's. I know, because I've done it. Until then it comes to me. It's my diary, but why everyone calls it time? That's out of my goddamn mind. The voyage that you will partake, it’s my awaking maze, my life, and you've just stumble upon it. It's my time, my diary. However, it doesn't come close to explaining the "why's" and "but's" about time and ironically my life. It's a hyper-detailed explanation of the experiences I've had in life on Planet Earth. The everydayness that is my life. And through it, expect to be lifted from the second by second life time-frame we live every day and becoming a writer of your own diary this very moment in time.

REALITY

For me it's not much more than waking up and seeing the bright blue, red and yellow lights dancing around to the rhythm of a song. They go up and down, sometimes caressing the very nature of reality. No wonder I'm so aware of it. They see everything I see. Sometimes, I believe they feel the very essence of existence before I even get to experience it. In many ways it's a fortune to have them. They encapsulate everything on sight. Every person I choose to observe is engulfed in the white lights. You just chime to the rhythm of reality beautiful. Sparkles everywhere. Sparkles are everywhere for me. Reality is a spectacle in every sense of the word.

They take me by surprise, every morning, greeting me, thus revealing that I'm alive. Yes, I'm here. I am really being on the world. I acknowledge the fact that I am in this body that I'm so aware of. So, I can state the obvious.

I am alive.

But it doesn't explain the essence of being alive. Because the inexplicable blank space of human experience is left to randomness. It doesn't take into consideration the binding substance that living latches on. Let me be clear, it is not the interaction I have with the outside world. Because my body is part of the world. It only experiences what the world wants it to experience. No matter what I choose to do, my body it's the first to act. I'm controlling it. And in no way I control what I feel from the outside.

I'm naked, like a small cut on your finger. It hurts, but its not that obvious. It connects us to existence. In the open for the world, I accept, nothing will shield me from you. I feel you. Sometimes, like water running this cut, it stings. But it reminds me that, you are genuine. I'm here. Oh world! You own my body, but let me be clear, not my mind. That is important. How I feel you! Just validate my senses. I understand you.

THE IDEAL EXAMPLE

Try to envision what is to be blind. I can relate this. It's a fact that a blind person have to understand their position in this world, in existence. No amount of words is going to describe the world to them, we experience it---our bodily sensations experience it. Our eyes only tells us so much of what we see. Because I see what I want to see. I'll just shut my eyes off. I don't want to experience something hurtful. We never see what we never felt. I'll feel like what I'm feeling, but ignore what I'm seeing for feelings. Looking, eyeing for meaning in this world is screaming at the top of your lungs your name and waiting for your own response.

However, I'll scream for you. Will you please respond? Even though you are bigger than the world I stand on top. You look less frightening and humble. A staggering ninety-three million miles separates us, but I know you are there. I don't feel you besides me and darkness has come. But I know you are there. Sheets of clouds cover you in your sleep. Not much light. I don't see you. But I know you are still there. The moon is shining my path on this dark night. Surreal images form in front of my eyes. I'm safe because you are still there. I will not look at the you just to comprehend your position. I just want to feel your warmth.

A blind person can't measure the distance between the sun and us, but they can feel it. The obvious warmth that touches your face is the feeling of familiarity. But the ground that sits beneath your feet, feels distanced. Our life is like a years-long skydive and ends without the opening of a parachute. Even though we've always had one. We are meant to feel high above the clouds. I'm falling for you. Crazy for you. Absolutely no need for precautions. No consequences. Just death and nothing more. This is life. I feel safe. I can feel this without seeing it. If a blind man closes his eyes, he is one step closer to knowing himself. If anything, what started off as a jump into life, will end up in a tragically ending, but beautiful voyage through time, our diary. There's no need to feel safe in the shadows of the moon.

These words do not describe the fundamentals feelings of being alive, they just shine a dim light on existence. It's barely visible. The void is obvious. I'm not saying you will live a more evident life as a blind man. But, as most of you need, the feeling of empowerment. Just imagine what is going on, without actually seeing it. Trust your senses. They know much more than you consciously know. Is anyone aware of what's really going on?

Your body certainly knows. But that's forgotten.

THE BIG PICTURE

Even though we can contemplate what is to be alive and to be in this world, can I really illustrate it vividly? By no means. That was what tormented me. No amount of words is going to describe what's living from my point of view. I'm the sole protagonist of my life. I can try describe it for you, but its not enough.

Its like forgetting what words are for.

My greatest fears and most sincere thoughts would be recited with these words about the world I live in and let me be clear, my individual existence. Life is not something we can tag as this general "thing". It's unique to each person on planet Earth. I can't write myself to death onto these pages of ones and zeros. What I can do is display the very essence of it and how I live it moment by moment because words are not enough. Pictures are not enough. Metaphors are not enough. Nothing will be enough. Is there anything sufficiently descriptive to show you my life and for you to take your time and be the judge of the unknown?

Then tell me why the hell am I writing this?

Yes, I've found binding thought for us to share and experience what I'm living right this moment. Is a thought. Just a thought.

© 2016 G.E.M.

My Review

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Featured Review

Asya Kardzhaliyska

I really like the essence of this piece! It has a very interesting theme running through it, particularly the whole idea that each person's life is entirely their own and that you can never get into their head, no matter how much they explain. This, for me, personally I could relate to because that's something I believe in firmly.

However, it could do with a little improvement. The paragraph when you talk about 'blind people' has a really strong start, but your second sentence feels as though you're repeating yourself. I would personally, remove that sentence because you don't need it.

Towards the end of the piece I feel as though you start to ramble on a little bit and you seem to lose the flow of the piece, I'd recommend removing the paragraph 'Under no circumstance...'. Of course, everything I've said is just a suggestion, it's your writing and you can edit it as you see fit :)

I wanna end on a positive note, you have some really beautiful descriptions! I really loved 'Sparkles everywhere. Sparkles are everywhere for me. Reality is a spectacle in every sense of the word.'

Anyway, keep up the good work!