is this a game?

rant/important/life/scary/f**k it just read it

Is this a game?

            Do you know the feeling when you are lying in bed with your eyes closed, mouth opened, and blankets wrapped tight? You look upon yourself wondering if you’re asleep, if you’re dreaming or if this is all real. When you open your eyes everything seems familiar but off, it’s your room but that paint on the walls is red not blue, your bed looks the same but it is as if you are lying on the edge of a cliff ready to fall off. You try to sit up, you try to move, and you try to scream in that order but you can’t you’re seamlessly stuck almost glued to the bed as if it is a sticky trap and you are the small, harmless bug that got stuck to it. You choke on the air as if someone’s hands are wrapped around your throat, wait is there someone’s hands wrapped around your throat it feels so real… but is it?

 

            I’ve heard it been called a many things from sleep paralysis to Hell. I call it sleeping, I call it a game because you play every night with the idea you will one day win this game, escape that bed, and escape the hands, the eyes and the underlying issue of exhaustion. Every time you try to beat this game, every time you try to hit the high score, and every time you fail. When you realize this is no game, this is not virtual reality this is not a dream you are awake and you are scared that’s when you realize you are stuck in your own minds form of a horror film. And my mind has plenty to go off of as far as horror films go, it’s like here let’s put the girl from rings on top of you choking you and let’s put the demon from insidious in the corner he’s next, and hey lets have Tiptoe playing in the back ground, let’s turn her room into the train car the wanderer has made his home. My nights consist of my brain throwing curve balls of terror into my path ones I cannot beat, I cannot run from, I cannot close my eyes or open my mouth to scream, my brain is a mean mean man who tricks me into falling into a sleep I can’t escape.

Reviews

[Lem]

I feel for you. Fear is the little mind killer.